tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63441198456784213232024-03-27T16:53:42.352-07:00A Catablog of DoggerelA Catablog of Doggeral...the World's supply of free to use poems, verses, quotes, rhymes, sayings, one liners, limericks, odes, dittiesJon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-45267603353563260262013-11-14T05:19:00.003-08:002013-11-14T05:23:54.805-08:00Dual Porpoise Cards<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6mwt_XhZxDybr90-SyAtOn-hAyF2-QwrR-SRRcoMOXMf7nbbK14ouO1cZGrHgjiposuRfXJFHqco6u7Y8kEzkSQEA0ZkB6AqyCyH9xuP1PvJpwk2x2ASLRsgCugu8CSWIbHrIsiaZNh-Q/s1600/IMG_1764.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6mwt_XhZxDybr90-SyAtOn-hAyF2-QwrR-SRRcoMOXMf7nbbK14ouO1cZGrHgjiposuRfXJFHqco6u7Y8kEzkSQEA0ZkB6AqyCyH9xuP1PvJpwk2x2ASLRsgCugu8CSWIbHrIsiaZNh-Q/s320/IMG_1764.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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I am de-clogging the loft ahead of me developing geriatric tendencies and I came across an old product I produced when working with artist Jim Harker, an old school friend. It was a card back to attach to a fine art print to make it into a greeting card. There was a range of sensible sentiments and then there was this one. It is in the Geordie lingo so see what you make of it</div>
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Aa was ganna send ye a pictia<br />Of some gadgie in the toon</div>
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Staggerin' and caallin' for Hughie</div>
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Havin' supped several Broon</div>
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Fower pints of Fed</div>
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And a Courage (by mistake)</div>
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Followed by two kebabs and a vindaloo</div>
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And some chips in stotty cake</div>
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Such a technocolour yawn</div>
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Wi' diced carrots in the mixture</div>
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Ah think ye'll agree</div>
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Would mek a colourful pictia</div>
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But that up on yer loonge waall</div>
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Wadn't mek ye ower keen</div>
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And it's a canny bit more nicer</div>
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To hev a propa local scene</div>
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I'm not sure this will mean anything to anyone but at least it's preserved for posterity. Any remaining card backs and much else of my past are now in the bin. It is very cathartic this loft de-clogging</div>
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Jon Bratton <span style="background-color: #fcfcfc; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 19px;">
</span><span class="s1"><b>©</b></span><span class="s2"><b> </b></span><span class="s1">2013</span></div>
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Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-16615505409167093602013-04-04T03:36:00.000-07:002013-04-04T03:36:44.324-07:00Oh Canada<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span id="goog_1335332135"></span><span id="goog_1335332136"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">Here's a poem wot I wrote for my Canadian rellies</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">Dressed in boots, parka, scarf and mittens </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">Are a couple at an airport in Arkansas</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">An old couple standing nearby </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;">Were intrigued by the clothes they wore</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;" /><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: left;"><br />I wonder where they’re from?" says the wife<br />Her hubby says “I dunno!<br />Why don’t you ask them<br />If you really want to know”<br /><br />She walks over to the couple and asks<br />They say "Saskatchewan... Saskatoon"<br />She returns to her husband and says<br />"They don't speak English, so it could be the moon"</span><br />
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Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-66167467411935963602013-02-09T09:55:00.000-08:002013-02-09T10:03:36.474-08:00Poem About Heef or is it Borse?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCT3Qtslwg80SEM9nSfIyAX34TrrzaixYVp1KQxyixi3EVmY4ix82L16Cq4np7D0fSvP_8l3khwrHZaA87PdaOKqmmMT2BHbHmFZpwVJZuU4si2ldDWuHCa2VDcJu8SeLfZeqPSBKJm8-v/s1600/th.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCT3Qtslwg80SEM9nSfIyAX34TrrzaixYVp1KQxyixi3EVmY4ix82L16Cq4np7D0fSvP_8l3khwrHZaA87PdaOKqmmMT2BHbHmFZpwVJZuU4si2ldDWuHCa2VDcJu8SeLfZeqPSBKJm8-v/s1600/th.jpeg" /></a></div>
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Inspired by all the horse puns in Twitterland and even on the Beeb News I have written this ditty<br />
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Usually at lunchtime, in truth</div>
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There's no time at all for horsing around</div>
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I have to eat on the hoof</div>
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By a short head, Tescos was my favourite</div>
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Furlong enough I thought them sound</div>
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Notwithstanding that in their bar codes</div>
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Some traces of Zebra were found</div>
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My stable diet is burgers and lasagne</div>
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Findus are as good as they come</div>
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I race for them past the granulated shergar bags</div>
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Horse d'oeuvres, l'escago and red rum</div>
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"They're Off" All the burgers from the shelves</div>
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Tesco have cleared the processed food place</div>
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I heard it on the BBC Mane News</div>
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But hay! Why have a long face?</div>
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My Lidl's pony and Aldi's uni quorn</div>
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Are a good energy source</div>
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I'm no longer saddled with Tescos</div>
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With a lidl swerve, I've aldi'd course</div>
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So food producers, get your act together</div>
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You'd better start keeping it real</div>
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For goodness sake whatever next</div>
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You'll be expecting us Brits to eat veal!</div>
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Jon Bratton <span style="background-color: transparent;">© 2013</span></div>
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Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-64222711616961358202012-12-19T06:59:00.004-08:002012-12-19T07:01:27.936-08:00Very Cold Poem<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBi93_virOon7VPUZ_7AMqM3i3XeVPV0G2iXkbpNd4Z8W-J_yAwkuUeQD59CqiBEno6r6sxrjqkO35ncR7IXSqlPtjli5S1AVeGqWHMV37Wx6fk1h8dq9OOUH2xHOM3rrlo8xydjF56pMU/s1600/cold+2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBi93_virOon7VPUZ_7AMqM3i3XeVPV0G2iXkbpNd4Z8W-J_yAwkuUeQD59CqiBEno6r6sxrjqkO35ncR7IXSqlPtjli5S1AVeGqWHMV37Wx6fk1h8dq9OOUH2xHOM3rrlo8xydjF56pMU/s1600/cold+2.gif" /></a></div>
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My partner inspired me to write this little ditty</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent">Marg's fave expression is "Cold, Toldy, Wold"<br /> Whenever there's a temperature drop<br /> I tell her to conserve energy<br /> "Just say cold, Marg... full stop<br /> But if you must add <span style="font-size: large;">something</span><br /> This is what I'm betting<br /> You'll feel better if you say cold<br /> Preceded by<span style="font-size: large;"> the <span style="font-size: large;">adjective</span></span> 'effing'"</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="userContent"><span style="font-size: small;">Jon Bratton 2012</span> </span></span></div>
<br />Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-56139147628903495642012-11-24T05:51:00.004-08:002012-11-25T02:19:35.348-08:00Definition of Assonance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkh8y5Aa_FS1t0lWwpkt1zimdFv6-v8SJCA9VWuKqdhHXsFGRQmFtmJbC7aLJgsjFtPvZ6oD0EkNGa5eOKOGJY2muGnOgatoIwkSugyhFP77-l_Tbj7VFaFbn5JW1fsgHUhfOoReCfrWJq/s1600/ritalt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkh8y5Aa_FS1t0lWwpkt1zimdFv6-v8SJCA9VWuKqdhHXsFGRQmFtmJbC7aLJgsjFtPvZ6oD0EkNGa5eOKOGJY2muGnOgatoIwkSugyhFP77-l_Tbj7VFaFbn5JW1fsgHUhfOoReCfrWJq/s1600/ritalt.jpg" /></a></div>
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Ever since 1983 when I saw the movie Educating Rita, my all time favorite film, I've been curious about the definition of Assonance. It didn't help that Michael Caine's character Prof Bryant in giving an example of assonance actually used a consonance. Nor did Julie Walter's character Rita help when she said assonance means "getting the rhyme wrong".</div>
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You're probably thinking that I should get a life but to be fair I saw the movie 30 years ago and only this morning have I really tried to understand assonance. A few years back I read Stephen Fry's book An Ode Less Travelled and he covered partial rhymes, including assonance but I read it fueled by wine. I will read it again sober. Is it worth a read? you ask. Absolutely. I couldn't fail to discourage you less.<br />
As some will know I'm a rhymester rather than a poet but I have covered poetic devices before...</div>
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<a href="http://poetry-verses.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/Poetry%20Examples" target="_blank">here </a></div>
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According to Wikipedia <b>"Assonance</b> is the repetition of vowel sounds to create internal rhyming within phrases or sentences, and together with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alliteration" target="_blank">alliteration</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Consonance_and_dissonance" target="_blank"><sup>consonance</sup></a> serves as one of the building blocks of verse. For example, in the phrase "D<b>o</b> y<b>ou</b> like bl<b>ue</b>?", the <span class="IPA" title="Representation in the International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA)">/uː/</span> ("o"/"ou"/"ue" sound) is repeated within the sentence and is assonant." A fuller example could be "Do you use blue hue, too?"</div>
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After several hours pootling around the internet I now understand it, and like it. Here's some easy to understand examples<br />
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"It <b>beats</b> . . . as it <b>sweeps</b> . . . as it <b>cleans!</b>" slogan for Hoover vacuum cleaners<br />
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She's <b>ferocious</b><br />
And she<b> knows just</b><br />
What it takes to make a <b>pro blush</b><br />
(Lyrics to 'Bette Davis Eyes')<br />
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"I must <b>confess</b> that in my <b>quest</b> I felt <b>depressed</b> and <b>restless</b>."<br />
(Thin Lizzy, "With Love")<br />
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”West Beast East Beast” by Dr. Seuss<br />
Upon an island hard to reach,<br />
The East Beast sits upon his beach.<br />
Upon the west beach sits the West Beast.<br />
Each beach beast thinks he's the best beast.<br />
Which beast is best?...Well, I thought at first,<br />
That the East was best and the West was worst.<br />
Then I looked again from the west to the east<br />
And I liked the beast on the east beach least.</div>
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I've even written my own example, which goes</div>
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<b>Why</b> am<b> I</b> inclined to blink <b>my</b> <b>eye</b>?<br />
Why does champagne make me squawk?<br />
"It's bolliphobia" said QI's Fry<br />
You fear the popping cork<br />
(Jon Bratton 2012) </div>
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(I made up bolliphobia because until now there hasn't been a word for what is a common fear because there are about 2 dozen cork popping fatalities a year..it's more common than spider bites and that fear has always had its own name)</div>
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By the way, my favorite TV show is QI and my favorite celebrity is Stephen Fry so I'm hoping that one day Stephen will raise the subject of bolliphobia because it is Quite Interesting</div>
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Anyhoo, that's the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assonance" target="_blank"> definition of assonance </a>for you</div>
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<br />Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-80079525114425419332012-11-23T10:43:00.001-08:002012-11-23T10:54:44.051-08:00Funny Sex Poems<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfltwugyHMh8TVLeLGBNlvdw83xqyt-ny7hOciCXA4RCXPcp1DHe2BSFdAgeTh7Dd5Qb-9znL1uQsp_9h7gn3dO0egI9RZgnveJRloBbZKwmFfvwf4bDYqUJCPLNwPR1fqeglgiNfuOHdu/s1600/9423.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfltwugyHMh8TVLeLGBNlvdw83xqyt-ny7hOciCXA4RCXPcp1DHe2BSFdAgeTh7Dd5Qb-9znL1uQsp_9h7gn3dO0egI9RZgnveJRloBbZKwmFfvwf4bDYqUJCPLNwPR1fqeglgiNfuOHdu/s200/9423.jpg" width="189" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.santabanta.com/" target="_blank">Pic </a></div>
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Doing market research for the Vaseline Company</div>
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A man knocked at the door <br />
A woman, with three small children, answered<br />
He asked “Have you used Vaseline before?”</div>
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“Yes” she said “We use it all the time.”
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“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what for?” <br />
“We always use it for sex,” she said.
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As she went to close the door</div>
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The researcher was a little taken aback.
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“People lie and say they use it after a child’s fall<br />
Or for chapped lips or to lube a bicycle chain
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But we know it’s used for sex, by almost all</div>
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I admire your honesty and since you’ve been so frank
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Can you tell me exactly HOW you use it during a sex bout?”
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She said, “My husband and I put it on the doorknob
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It helps to keep the kids out.”<br />
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Jon Bratton © 2012<br />(inspired by a joke by unknown author)<br />
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<a href="http://www.verses4cards.co.uk/funny-sexy-poems.html" target="_blank">Funny Sex Poems</a></div>
Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-32184411588215745792012-11-08T01:57:00.000-08:002012-11-08T01:57:21.521-08:00Sexy Poem<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSE5L2EkdglNtNwZgGIjiQIfMawpzXJVrJFVaYGN-YB6h3EhB-tXWRywNn0GSFcyVZfjr1J0EfUVkmgssWHS0qIg9OnmaCVU8Toi_4fDyhLOgxFT1MiSyACgI2CNip-b-Q_PkycyUiwc_i/s1600/%7B844AF1C9-9C40-495D-A627-09F926BB58F1%7DImg100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSE5L2EkdglNtNwZgGIjiQIfMawpzXJVrJFVaYGN-YB6h3EhB-tXWRywNn0GSFcyVZfjr1J0EfUVkmgssWHS0qIg9OnmaCVU8Toi_4fDyhLOgxFT1MiSyACgI2CNip-b-Q_PkycyUiwc_i/s1600/%7B844AF1C9-9C40-495D-A627-09F926BB58F1%7DImg100.jpg" /></a></div>
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Here's a sexy poem, wot I wrote</div>
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<b>When a rancher died, his widow
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<b>Was determined to make the ranch pay
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<b>There were two applicants for hired hand
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<b>One a drunk, the other, gay</b></div>
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<b><br />She hired the gay and was delighted</b></div>
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He was conscientious and worked like hell
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<b>And being very skilled, after a few short weeks
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<b>The ranch was doing well
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<b>The widow suggested her hired hand
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<b>Should have a night in town
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<b>When he returned the widow was relaxing
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<b>Wine glass in hand and hair let down</b></div>
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<b><br />"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.<br />Trembling, he did as she said.<br />"Now take off my boots. and now my socks, <br />And place them on my bed.”
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<b><br />"Now take off my skirt." slowly he unbuttoned it, <br />"Now my bra." It was low cut and wired<br />He was trembling, as the widow barked</b></div>
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<b>"If you wear my clothes again, you're fired!"</b></div>
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What were you thinking? He was gay! <b></b></div>
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<b><a href="http://www.verses4cards.co.uk/short-funny-rhyming-poems.html" target="_blank">More Sexy Poems</a></b></div>
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Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-23246311002879995992012-10-22T04:28:00.001-07:002012-10-22T04:36:26.276-07:00Funny Rhyming Poem<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="userContent">Old Dot said to her best pal Edna<br /> “George has asked me out, you know<br /> You went on a date with him last week, <br /> So should I agree to go?”<br /> <br /> Well, said Ed “He arrived promptly </span><br />
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<span class="userContent">He looked liked a gentleman, so tall</span><br />
<span class="userContent">He brought flowers, and outside was a limo</span><br />
<span class="userContent">Uniformed chauffeur and all. </span><br />
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<span class="userContent">We had dinner at a fancy restaurant</span><br />
<span class="userContent">You should have seen the champers flow</span><br />
<span class="userContent">He complimented me on my new evening dress </span><br />
<span class="userContent">Then he took me off to a show. </span><br />
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<span class="userContent">On the way back, he ripped off my new dress </span><br />
<span class="userContent">Three times, he made the limousine rock”</span><br />
<span class="userContent">“So, I’ll not go?" said Dot, “Yes, go” said her friend</span><br />
<span class="userContent">"Just be sure to wear an old frock"</span><br />
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<span class="userContent">Jon Bratton © 2012<br /> </span></div>
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Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-26824300236845186382012-10-15T23:52:00.000-07:002012-10-16T00:03:04.058-07:00Valentine Poems They're NotIf you google ...washington post rhyme competition ... you'll get loads of websites telling you about a competition that the Washington Post ran a few years back and you'll see the 11 entries that get quoted on websites and in those emails that keep circulating round. Basically the competition was to come up with a very romantic first line and a very unromantic second line<br />
I don't want to quote any of the entries here because Google will think this is just another 'me too' so here to illustrate is one that I just made up<br />
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I look into your eyes and see a love that’s true
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Her name is Veronica. She’s why I’m leaving you</div>
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You get the idea. Try it yourself, it's fun. Anyway I got to thinking, could I do the same, but using first lines from William Shakespeare...who is more romantic than the Bard himself?<br />
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Here's what I came up with...forgive the slightly colourful language, which I use only in a way that Big Willy himself might have done<br />
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Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?
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Last Tuesday, for instance, wet, windy, cloudy and grey</div>
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Who taught thee how to make me love thee more
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Sack him, for he’s failed miserably, that’s for sure</div>
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Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,
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With the emphasis on sweet...I’m leaving you tomorrow</div>
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But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks
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Your morning face gives me the colliwobble shakes</div>
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If I could write the beauty of your eyes
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I’d just be telling whopping lies</div>
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Your eyes are lode-stars; and your tongue's sweet air</div>
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But your breath stinks and you’re shaped like a pear</div>
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The sweet silent hours of marriage joys
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Are ruined by the noise of your vibrating toys</div>
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You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings,
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And piss off, I’ve packed all your things</div>
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O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo
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I’m offsky with a wrangler from the rodeo</div>
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(Groan...you try rhyming with Romeo!)</div>
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<a href="http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091109051347AAIWPQa" target="_blank">Valentine Poems they're not! </a><br />
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But will they make it on to one of those circulating email thingys?<br />
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<br />Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-37784624086094391062012-10-15T04:16:00.002-07:002012-10-15T04:16:23.564-07:00New Poem Blog Aren't I a blast from the past? I haven't posted for yonkers and I spend most of my time nowadays trying to regain my main <a href="http://www.verses4cards.co.uk/">website's</a> position with Google...it is my main form of retirement income and I have been absolutely slaughtered in the past 12 months or so, with my income slashed to about one eighth of what it was 2 years ago.<br />
Anyway, whinge over but I'm sure these words will strike a chord with many bloggers who may well have suffered similarly. I'd welcome comments from any bloggers and website publishers and I'd really be interested if there are any gainers. If there are losers, and many of my friends are losers there must be gainers out there, right?<br />
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I'm posting mainly to find out how the supposedly better format of blogger works. I must be getting grumpy because I no longer embrace change. <br />
<br />Anyway, my partner, who writes poems, under the name of margmax, and publishes them on<br />
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<a href="http://www.getwellversed.com/">www.getwellversed.com </a><br />
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has decided to create a blog. She is currently working on it...it's not yet been published but here's the heads up...you'll find it on<br />
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<a href="http://www.margmax.blogspot.com/">www.margmax.blogspot.com</a><br />
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Do check it out and perhaps welcome her. She is a card maker and I know how you card makers stick together and support each other. As for me, I'm tuckered out...blog writing is strenuous so I'm off to do something altogether less tiring... 18 holes of golf. Fore!!<br />
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<br />Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-6928169198127803182011-02-08T01:33:00.000-08:002011-02-08T12:19:03.337-08:00Mother Days Poems<p style="text-align: center;">Mother Days Poems as a title may seem flawed but searchers are flawed so I'm going with the flaw.<br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">I bring you a poem in two languages, English UK and English USA and also, in rhyme, I take the time, to explain what determines the dates of Mother Days<br /></p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Many Countries adopt Mothers Day, per USA<br />On the second Sunday, in the month of May<br />But not so, in Ireland and the UK<br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Mothering Sunday there, is always spent<br />On the fourth Sunday after the start of Lent<br />So why, you ask, does Lent move around?<br />Because Easter need good light on the ground<br />It's to do with a full moon in the sky<br />Good light for walking is the reason why<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Pilgrims to the holy lands walked at night </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br />They relied heavily on good moon light<br />So the holy day (Easter Sunday) follows the moon<br />It's always in the Spring, but can be late or soon</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;">This year, 2011, Mothering Sunday is very late<br />Sunday April 3rd is precisely the date<br />So I bring you now a poem for Mother's Day<br />Is it original? I hear you say. Or nick it, as is oft your way?<br />I adapted it, well, that's my excuse<br />But I've made it perfect for Mick and Brit use<br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">So here goes, with the adapted one of the Mother Days Poems<br /></p><div style="text-align: center;">For all the nappies that you've changed.<br />For all the play dates you've arranged. </div><p style="text-align: center;">For all the trips back and forth to school<br />For mopping up gallons of vomit and drool.</p><div style="text-align: center;"> </div><p style="text-align: center;">For putting up with all that swill<br />You should have all of March..and a bit of April.</p><p style="text-align: center;">One day is just not enough... and yet<br />I'm sorry, pet, but that's all you get<br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">So spend your special Sunday, April Three<br />Happily, and very work-free</p><p style="text-align: center;">Because Google will bring this page to the residents of USA, as well as:-<br /></p><table style="text-align: left; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="100%"><tbody><tr><td valign="top" width="33%"><ul><li>Anguilla</li><li>Aruba</li><li>Australia</li><li>Austria</li><li>Bahamas</li><li>Barbados</li><li>Bangladesh</li><li>Belgium</li><li>Belize</li><li>Bermuda</li><li>Bonaire</li><li>Brazil</li><li>Canada</li><li>Chile</li><li>China</li><li>Colombia</li><li>Cuba</li><li>Croatia</li></ul> </td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <ul><li>Curaçao</li><li>Czech Republic</li><li>Denmark</li><li>Ecuador</li><li>Estonia</li><li>Finland</li><li>Germany</li><li>Greece</li><li>Grenada</li><li>Honduras</li><li>Hong Kong</li><li>Iceland</li><li>Italy</li><li>Jamaica</li><li>Japan</li><li>Latvia</li><li>Malta</li></ul> </td> <td valign="top" width="33%"> <ul><li>Malaysia</li><li> Netherlands</li><li>New Zealand</li><li>Peru</li><li>Philippines</li><li>Puerto Rico</li><li>Singapore</li><li>Slovakia</li><li>South Africa</li><li>Suriname</li><li>Switzerland</li><li>Taiwan</li><li>Trinidad and Tobago</li><li>Turkey</li><li>Uruguay</li><li>Venezuela</li><li>Zimbabwe</li></ul></td></tr></tbody></table><p style="text-align: center;">here's the original of the Mother Days poems<br /></p><div style="text-align: center;">For all the diapers<br />that you changed.<br />For all the play dates<br />you arranged.<br /><br />For all the trips<br />back and forth to school<br />for cleaning all the spit up<br />and the drool.<br /><br />Why is there only<br />one Mother's Day.<br />You could have at least gotten<br />the ENTIRE month of May.<br /><br />*<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">So there you have it, Mother Days Poems<br />For Brits, Yanks and Poms<br />I hope you enjoy<br />Should you need it, here's moy</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.sayings-quotes-messages.com/mothers-day-quotes.html">Mother Days Poems or Quotes</a><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-64414244159581362192011-01-16T17:11:00.000-08:002011-01-17T04:06:20.925-08:00Royal Wedding Poem<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXPdGAQ67wnILHZQp9G_VO62e7nfk_FlXsBpnsmw8F9LKpvN2Y4YLIIo7R2th_HuHZn88Ga8ObnY8SoSqZd0xc9l4kXMPixGgt1YpIrU4Z6Sdr5rCNqmvZ6nCu66NFEwuGFzjvjLY-dckC/s1600/willsgrimacing.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 306px; height: 172px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXPdGAQ67wnILHZQp9G_VO62e7nfk_FlXsBpnsmw8F9LKpvN2Y4YLIIo7R2th_HuHZn88Ga8ObnY8SoSqZd0xc9l4kXMPixGgt1YpIrU4Z6Sdr5rCNqmvZ6nCu66NFEwuGFzjvjLY-dckC/s400/willsgrimacing.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5562983313159004386" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />This Royal Wedding Poem is a departure for me because, as you regular readers know, I am a search engine tart, that's to say if people around the World aren't searching for such a subject, in huge numbers, then I ain't writing about it.<br />And yet here am I doing that very thing...because, shame on Britain, they are not searching in significant numbers. Wills and Kate getting married...Diana's eldest son...Going to be King!!!!...wake up Britain<br /><br />(<i><span style="font-size:78%;"> I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the Universe</span></i><span style="font-size:78%;"></span><br /><br /><br />A nice lady found me on Facebook... and asked if I still did personalised poems, which I don't BUT I admired that she tracked me down, it was at a time when I must have been lusting (but didn't know I was) to write in response to personal details and to cut a long story long I agreed to write something for her, for nothing,..and here for you is what I didn't write. What I did write is between me and her and I told her I would publish what I wrote but does she want it blurted out this soon. Probably not, so stay stum<br />This is on the lines of what I did write...but altered to protect privacy. If you are a best man or a father of the bride or the groom or a best woman for a wedding taking place on 29th April 2011, deliberately, or coincidentally, chosen to coincide with Will's and Kate's wedding, you are welcome to use this material... but, for God's sake, just don't be involved in a Wiltshire wedding<br />Here's, the generic version of what I wrote<br /><br />The Westminster Pair and our (Ealing) (chavs and slappers)<br />Have in common, quite a lot<br />Three of them’s quite common<br />And one of them is not<br /><br />One has special breeding<br />And boy does it show<br />Today (Vera) is the princess<br />But then I’m biased, don’t you know<br /><br />As (Vera)’s old time friend, I’m Best Woman<br />I’m nervous, it’s my first time<br />(At making a speech, you naughty people)<br />So I’m reading out my little speech<br />And I’m doing it in rhyme<br /><br /><br />I’m calling for audience participation<br />Especially from the drunks out there<br />When you hear an obvious repeat line (I’ll give you a clue) Emphasise the ‘ate’ sound<br />Perhaps you’ll give a little cheer<br /><br />Or, if you’re really, really up for it<br />Even better, it would certainly be<br />If you would anticipate, and recite, the line<br />Right along with me<br /><br />(<i><span style="font-size:78%;"> I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I know not why but I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the Universe</span></i><span style="font-size:78%;"></span><br /><br />So, here goes:-<br /><br /><br /><br />Today's a very special day<br />Isn’t Britain Great?<br />We've all been given the day off<br />And… all the pubs are open late (cheers)<br /><br />For today’s (handsome) (alcoholic) Groom, (Jack),<br />It’s a double celebration date<br />His wedding’s good but what floats his boat<br />Is that… the pubs are open late (cheers)<br /><br />The whole Country's gone ballistic<br />There's bunting everywhere<br />There's gun salutes and cheering<br />Which is surprising for a (Liverpudlian) pair<br /><br />Everyone is celebrating<br />Drinking booze by the crate<br />Because (Vera)’s finally pinned down (Jack)<br />And..also<br />(pause and the audience who will shout 'All the pubs are open late' Then read the actual line<br />No…Prince William married Kate<br /><br />Here's to two very happy brides<br />The beautiful (Vera) and Kate<br />It's not just the wedding day they have in common<br />Can you guess?... (audience will say the pubs are open late)<br />No...It’s a very long and patient wait<br /><br />Aren’t I a provocative f…f ..female?<br /><br /><br /><br />Both brides met their future husbands<br />(10 years ago) (5 years ago) ( A while ago), both by pure chance<br />Both women had to tolerate<br />A (longer-than-ideally-planned)…romance or<br />A(longer-than-necessary-because-he's-such-a-woosy-typically-blokey-blokey-bollocky-non-makey-mindy-up-sitty-on-the-fence-dip-stick-sort-of-bloke)romance<br /><br />On the whole, (Vera)’s demeanour<br />Has been surprisingly bright and breezy<br />Telling folks you’re courting a (Teddy Bear) (Everton supporter) (Welsh twit) (Geordie)<br />Really can’t be easy<br /><br /><br />During (Jack) and (Vera’s) protracted courtship<br />(They managed (twice) to propagate)<br />(They failed to propagate)<br />It would have (been more) (happened), but for (Jack)’s excuse<br />All the pubs are open late<br /><br />(Beautiful (Sophie) and baby (James)<br />Are the results we see today<br />Now that (Vera)’s finger’s got a ring on it<br />Perhaps more are on the way<br /><br />I must say the wedding so far has been very good<br />We’ve been watered and we’ve ate<br />We can look forward to this evening<br />Cos…( the pubs are) (the hotel bar is) open late<br /><br /><br />So, to recap…<br />In the spring of twenty eleven, (Jack) a (rock star ) (plonker) (wonderfully best bloke in t‘World))<br />Took (Vera) his (children's mummy ) (sweetheart) (soul mate) for his wife<br />Good luck you whirlwind romantics<br />Have a long and happy life<br /><br /><br />In a moment, we'll raise our glasses<br />To (Jack), and (Vera), his wife, and my bessie mate<br />And I'll remind you of this repeatedly happy thought<br />All the pubs are open late<br /><br />Toast (Jack) and (Vera)<br /><br />And to finish off, here’s an out-take from this ditty<br /><br /><br />Optional extra<br /><br />Right now, my dance card’s empty<br />Book now, you won’t have long to wait<br />You’ll not know what hit you on the dance floor<br />No, shut up, its not the bloody pubs are open late<br />It’s…<br />My husband’s six foot eight<br /><br />Thank You<br />Tumultuous Applause, please<br /><br />**<br /><br />Here's a poem by Sir Andrew Motion, the Poet Laureate, entitled Spring Wedding marking the wedding of Will's Dad to <span style="font-size:85%;"><b>Camilla Parker Bowles </b></span>. Note, he has not written about Will's and Kate's wedding...perhaps I should be the Doggerelist Laureate and when Will is King I think I will be..<span style="font-size:78%;">.dead</span><br /><br /><p> <span style="font-size:85%;"><b>Spring Wedding</b> </span></p><p> <span style="font-size:85%;">I took your news outdoors, and strolled a while<br />In silence on my square of garden-ground<br />Where I could dim the roar of arguments,<br />Ignore the scandal-flywheel whirring round,<br /></span></p><p> <span style="font-size:85%;">And hear instead the green fuse in the flower<br />Ignite, the breeze stretch out a shadow-hand<br /></span></p><p> <span style="font-size:85%;">To ruffle blossom on its sticking points,<br />The blackbirds sing, and singing take their stand. </span></p><p> <span style="font-size:85%;">I took your news outdoors, and found the Spring<br />Had honoured all its promises to start<br />Disclosing how the principles of earth<br />Can make a common purpose with the heart. </span></p><p> <span style="font-size:85%;">The heart which slips and sidles like a stream<br />Weighed down by winter-wreckage near its source -<br />But given time, and come the clearing rain,<br />Breaks loose to revel in its proper course. </span></p><br /><br />(<i><span style="font-size:78%;"> I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. </span></i><span style="font-size:78%;"></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.verses-poems-quotes.com/">Royal Wedding Poem elsewhere<br /><br /></a>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-84456345986914406042010-11-30T06:02:00.000-08:002010-11-30T06:16:24.020-08:00Twelve Dames of Christmas<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7p78EH6rpyPHP0BlFPu0_SMMxY4Ii2cgv4juhPvaK7HjEyfbtJMuS3Ur6akgYEMCrRA63t5u9ZlWDb31jpWlrQqu5EaJzZq4zlZjNB740U0IiDyrxV4QlrqnYMopAzGfQM7CUFs6SaUx/s1600/Dames-Online-Ad.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 141px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7p78EH6rpyPHP0BlFPu0_SMMxY4Ii2cgv4juhPvaK7HjEyfbtJMuS3Ur6akgYEMCrRA63t5u9ZlWDb31jpWlrQqu5EaJzZq4zlZjNB740U0IiDyrxV4QlrqnYMopAzGfQM7CUFs6SaUx/s200/Dames-Online-Ad.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5545343594192648370" border="0" /></a>The Twelve Dames of Christmas Die Cut Decoupage produced by La Pashe are being offered at a very silly price <a href="http://www.imag-e-nation.com/products/Twelve-Dames-of-Christmas-Die%252dCut-Decoupage-for-%C2%A31.html">here at Twelve Dames of Christmas Special Offer</a><br /></div><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Here's some poems wot I wrote which you may find suitable for cards you make with these fabulous sheets<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;">A partridge in a pear tree.<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />A partridge in a pear tree<br />But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing<br />If you're anything like me<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Two turtle doves<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />Turtle doves, two, or if hungry, three<br />But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing<br />If you're anything like me<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Three French hens<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />French hens, not two but three<br />But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing<br />If you're anything like me<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Four calling birds<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I thought too of sending you some calling birds,<br />And as they're small, I thought four, rather than three<br />But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing<br />If you're anything like me<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Five golden rings<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />Five golden rings<br />But I expect a lady of your refinement<br />Has drawers full of those things<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Suffice that I send Yuletide blessings<br />Do please enjoy the traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Six geese a-laying</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />Six geese a-laying, or oven ready, better yet,<br />But I know that turkey and stuffing<br />Is what you usually get<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Seven swans a-swimming</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />Seven swans a-swimming, in gravy or sauce,<br />But I expect you prefer turkey and stuffing<br />For your Christmas lunch main course<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Eight maids a-milking<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />Eight maids a-milking,<br />But all those uninvited strangers for dinner<br />Wouldn't suit you, I'm thinking<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Nine ladies dancing, </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Sending you nine ladies dancing, I expect<br />Wouldn't be number one in your list of wishes<br />But howsabout nine ladies cooking Christmas dinner?<br />And then washing up all the dishes?<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">But just lazing around all Christmas Day<br />I expect wouldn't be your idea of heaven<br />Anyway, have a really super Yuletide<br />And all the best in Twenty Eleven<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <i>Twelve Days of Christmas</i></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Ten lords a-leaping, </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I toyed with the idea of sending you<br />Ten lords a-leaping,<br />But all those uninvited strangers at Christmas<br />Just wouldn't be in keeping<br />(Would put a dent in the housekeeping)</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">**</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Eleven pipers piping, </span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I was going to send you eleven pipers piping,<br />But then I changed my mind<br />Sending uninvited strangers at Christmas<br />Just wouldn't be very kind<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers<br />Especially its traditional fare<br />And all the best to you and yours<br />Throughout the coming year<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">**</span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">Twelve drummers drumming,<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">When I saw this image of sophistication<br />Chic, poised, elegant and well to do<br />Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish<br />I immediately thought of you<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;"> <span style="font-size:100%;">I thought of sending you twelve drummers drumming,<br />As a Christmas joke, but then<br />There's enough noise from over excited kids<br />Not to mention half sozzled men<br /></span></p> <div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">Especially its traditional fare</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">And all the best to you and yours</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;">Throughout the coming year</span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-5743290761477158172010-08-12T02:25:00.000-07:002010-08-12T02:30:28.847-07:00Wot Not To Put Down The BogI live in a street where the sewerage pipe blocks about twice a year and everyone on that sewerage run shares the cost of clearance each time. The drains were laid badly by the builder 30 years ago and no doubt over the years extra snagging points have developed. However the main cause of the problem is the putting down the toilet of inappropriate things. When the street was full of babies it would have been disposable nappies (diapers). The drain man on the recent clearance said what the main cause of the blockage was so I wrote this poem for all the residents<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">Men and Menopausal Women<br />Don't Carry The Can For Blocking The Pan<br /><br /><br />The drains are clear<br />So that's good news<br />When the drain man left<br />He expressed these views<br /><br />"It's not all the natural stuff<br />That clogs and clings<br />It's the make-up wipes<br />And those sanitary things"<br /><br />So, let's adopt The 3P's<br />It's a new discipline<br />If it's not pooh, pee or paper<br />It goes in the bin!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-size:85%;" ><a href="http://bayshoresanitary.com/environment/index.html">What Not To Put Down The Bog</a> is copyright Jon Bratton 2010<br /><br /></span></span>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-27225361457718878572010-05-29T00:18:00.000-07:002010-05-29T00:32:06.372-07:00Funeral Hymns for Anne, Mother, Nanna, Sister<div style="text-align: center;">These Funeral Hymns for Anne, Mother, Nanna, Sister have been suggested by Aunt Margaret<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/DcF75h4BHk8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/DcF75h4BHk8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="480"></embed></object><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8eaNpn-77K4&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8eaNpn-77K4&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.quotes-sayings-messages.com/funeral-hymns-for-anne.html">There are more suggested Funeral Hymns for Anne here</a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Funeral Hymns for Anne<br />28 May 08<br /></span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-91819391016377769192009-11-28T01:06:00.000-08:002009-11-28T02:31:20.156-08:00Funny Poems Christmas<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLIAm4hXxJSDhTOFbIAjjxDjJZ8GmNLh6OM7y99wnjQQfZrXdZvdEq1mVdkz-_qWHN_4sEnxi1PkuOrlFdtiNjXExDGk5D7GF__nFFQjckUO84y4Gs0bIEuDI9JHWKIvAH-nNIwiHF6Njw/s1600/cardforcath.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 318px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLIAm4hXxJSDhTOFbIAjjxDjJZ8GmNLh6OM7y99wnjQQfZrXdZvdEq1mVdkz-_qWHN_4sEnxi1PkuOrlFdtiNjXExDGk5D7GF__nFFQjckUO84y4Gs0bIEuDI9JHWKIvAH-nNIwiHF6Njw/s400/cardforcath.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409079899981916082" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:78%;">Its that time of year again for Funny Poems Christmas. No, I haven't got dyslexia. That's how funny Christmas poems are most commonly searched for<br /></span><br />Catherine Masters complained that the Queen sent her the same birthday card each year and this prompted Fred MacAuley who has a newsy chat show on BBC Radio Scotland to discuss how to make an impact when sending Christmas cards.<br />Olive of Olive Designs, a card maker was on the show to talk about card making and I was invited on as a card verse writer<br />Should you be so inclined you can listen to the show on here<br /><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b00nz3gf">Radio Show</a><br />but below are the two verses I wrote to illustrate how verses can be personalised. The first is a verse that the Queen might pen<br /><br />As your Queen and Sovereign<br />It behoves one to say<br />Arise! On Christmas morning<br />And have a wonderful day<br /><br />My husband and I<br />(And all the Queen's horses and all the Queen's men)<br />Want your annus to be wonderfulis<br />In two thousand and ten<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);font-size:85%;" >(Annus mirabilis is the correct Latin phrase meaning "wonderful year" but that's just not funny. Phillip Larkin wrote...<br />life was never better than<br />In nineteen sixty-three<br />(Though just too late for me) -<br />Between the end of the Chatterley ban<br />And the Beatles' first LP.)</span><br /><br /><br />At the end of the piece Fred asked for another sample personalised verse which I'm glad to say I had prepared beforehand. This is for a card I shall send to the programme<br /><br />To the very best Beeb radio show<br />Merry Christmas MacAuley and Co<br />May 2010, the year anew<br />Bring continued success to Fred and crew<br /><br /><a href="http://poetry-verses.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-comedy-poems.html">More Funny Poems Christmas</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">This funny poems Christmas blog page is copyright Jon Bratton but of course individuals, including Her Majesty, may use the material for non commercial purposes</span></span><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-33288531429295537382009-08-01T00:19:00.000-07:002009-08-01T01:56:56.411-07:00Name All 52 States in USA<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTA-PhOQCdTQjKvKbiMe85Q8nOwDv-hBRg0clB7sD0OvK-Ktz8DqVBeVwHaf2Qg4JGWbg1rxA637ZkLvdZQ0u0V8LqEHugVY6oyBKL6P5Zi2Nr_JBHIzEI4oSvz8NUU5mtOJ3kvBOH-lJl/s1600-h/usamapblankfc2.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 259px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTA-PhOQCdTQjKvKbiMe85Q8nOwDv-hBRg0clB7sD0OvK-Ktz8DqVBeVwHaf2Qg4JGWbg1rxA637ZkLvdZQ0u0V8LqEHugVY6oyBKL6P5Zi2Nr_JBHIzEI4oSvz8NUU5mtOJ3kvBOH-lJl/s400/usamapblankfc2.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364903943098604018" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Left click the image to enlarge it<br /><br />As a self confessed search engine tart I seek out common searches which are not well catered for and this one 'Name all 52 states in USA' is a corker. On a daily basis 1200 people want the search engines to find web sites that name all 52 states and quite naturally there aren't many takers.<br />So guys here I can name all <span style="font-weight: bold;">53</span>...I've even thrown in the State Capitals<br /><br />Note there are eight starting with M<br />And none with B or E<br />And eight starting with N<br />And none with J, Q, X or Z<br />(That rhymes if you are North American)<br /><br /><br />Alabama Montgomery<br />Alaska Juneau<br />Arizona Phoenix<br />There's more, don't you know<br /><br /><br />Arkansas Little Rock<br />California Sacramento<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Canada Ottawa</span><br />I'm sure that's so<br /><br /><br />Colorado Denver<br />Delaware Dover<br />Connecticut Hartford<br />The list is not over<br /><br /><br />Florida Tallahassee<br />Georgia Atlanta<br />Hawaii Honolulu<br />We're starting to canter<br /><br /><br />Idaho Boise<br />Illinois Springfield<br />Indiana Indianapolis<br />What next is revealed<br /><br /><br />Iowa Des Moines<br />Kansas Topeka<br />Kentucky Frankfort<br />We're getting there. Eurika<br /><br /><br />Louisiana Baton Rouge<br />Maine Augusta<br />Maryland Annapolis<br />Hang on in there, Buster<br /><br /><br />Massachusetts Boston<br />Minnesota St. Paul<br />Michigan Lansing<br />And that's not all<br /><br /><br />Mississippi Jackson<br />Missouri Jefferson City<br />Montana Helena<br />We're sitting pretty<br /><br /><br />Nebraska Lincoln<br />Nevada Carson City<br />New Hampshire Concord<br />We're still sitting pretty<br /><br /><br />New Jersey Trenton<br />New Mexico Santa Fe<br />New York Albany<br />I've got more to say<br /><br /><br />North Dakota Bismarck<br />North Carolina Raleigh<br />Ohio Columbus<br />There's more, don't dally<br /><br /><br />Oklahoma Oklahoma City<br />Oregon Salem<br />Pennsylvania Harrisburg<br />I knew I could name 'em<br /><br /><br />Rhode Island Providence<br />South Dakota Pierre<br />South Carolina Columbia<br />We're getting there<br /><br /><br />Tennessee Nashville<br />Texas Austin<br />Utah Salt Lake City<br />where I once got lost in<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">United Kingdom, London</span><br />Vermont Montpelier<br />Virginia Richmond<br />What did I tell yeah<br /><br /><br />Washington Olympia<br />West Virginia Charleston<br />Wisconsin Madison<br />I'm done but for one<br /><br /><br />Wyoming Cheyenne<br />That's almost the last call<br />52 States<br />But that's not all<br /><br /><br />There's one more to name<br />Before the conclusion<br />What about all those folk living<br />In the state of<span style="font-weight: bold;"> Confusion</span>?<br /><br />For more click the link<br /><a href="http://www.blurtit.com/q766441.html">Name All 52 States in USA</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">This Name all 52 states in USA blogspot entry is copyright Jon Bratton</span><br /></span><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-30432494845177172812009-07-31T22:49:00.000-07:002009-08-01T00:08:27.829-07:00Names of the Characters in Scooby DooNames of the Characters in Scooby Doo is a frequent search as is 'name all 52 states in USA' and not many sites provide the answer so it falls to me. I'll get back to you on the USA states thing but...<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNL9LwrulRgorEvBu574S1OI9O_8sV5j5lUq-wAVd5xyDSJ4sgf5vTXX9jf8P9xDbigsMDuqOkM7z-K9LpvCukSSr7OXZaaWoHqiWTfREJTcv38v4P2q4UlvzPc4f4lm07YjX8qo4njiDz/s1600-h/250px-Scooby-gang-1969.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNL9LwrulRgorEvBu574S1OI9O_8sV5j5lUq-wAVd5xyDSJ4sgf5vTXX9jf8P9xDbigsMDuqOkM7z-K9LpvCukSSr7OXZaaWoHqiWTfREJTcv38v4P2q4UlvzPc4f4lm07YjX8qo4njiDz/s200/250px-Scooby-gang-1969.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364882029283597778" border="0" /></a><br />Scooby, Shaggy, Velma, Daphne and Fred,<br />Is the short answer...but<br />You need more, so here goes<br />It's two boys, two girls and a mutt<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitqagkVUwDxSzNI0F-KaKx9VlcpKDeK7t1mie0ZtrbFppgNx_-muULrHtKmBbAGQXl9EMAR3fx9TUBo2vi82lq3OdO_Ot2PHyqquKdIWAjeadMVeBLf3gZn6FdiOl3faSt7ikRINYIWT-4/s1600-h/Shags2.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 60px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitqagkVUwDxSzNI0F-KaKx9VlcpKDeK7t1mie0ZtrbFppgNx_-muULrHtKmBbAGQXl9EMAR3fx9TUBo2vi82lq3OdO_Ot2PHyqquKdIWAjeadMVeBLf3gZn6FdiOl3faSt7ikRINYIWT-4/s200/Shags2.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364882854374888738" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNs3hDnuwFNkBTKlXnZ-Q5snykVPFPmFBRBMSTKOTbaQnm54IknHHk9apWOOye4zZNexggXX3CoUkZUt62keaI08OyD1xbAl8L0VZ2zzNuKDKzefkWcQsBw59ASI_NNJMw0eXbU_RDqLI8/s1600-h/132px-Velma.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 110px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNs3hDnuwFNkBTKlXnZ-Q5snykVPFPmFBRBMSTKOTbaQnm54IknHHk9apWOOye4zZNexggXX3CoUkZUt62keaI08OyD1xbAl8L0VZ2zzNuKDKzefkWcQsBw59ASI_NNJMw0eXbU_RDqLI8/s200/132px-Velma.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364885039349109522" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwwGYSChJMnWFXh3qAR868qFHotN0iKuSLbvogjluXDCR8JpkiuThWi-0xt6DULgjkngvQfjMC6ySoJNzV69-KMhPveh9NqiMa2zOsZFRElkBUA3vMNE4H3o5P2pKq7NoEZsMcxdRALHl4/s1600-h/Daphnescooby.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 88px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwwGYSChJMnWFXh3qAR868qFHotN0iKuSLbvogjluXDCR8JpkiuThWi-0xt6DULgjkngvQfjMC6ySoJNzV69-KMhPveh9NqiMa2zOsZFRElkBUA3vMNE4H3o5P2pKq7NoEZsMcxdRALHl4/s200/Daphnescooby.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364885474922703778" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />Scooby-Doo's full name is Scooby-Doo<br />Norville 'Shaggy' Rogers is Shaggy's full name,<br />Velma is Velma Dace Dinkley,<br />And Daphne Ann Blake is the good looking dame<br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: right;"><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlShTLozcKK3RCOoPeIG2hxc3RDGO9EtKZwaahyphenhyphenhs6ZJo3E8OvQH8d4ppLM9Sv7JuHTU_ILvSYowUFDSkmrLes38OflIEv6vAHsSUFA9GTeIRZuzwHBwgC6G03AY0AcTrHlKbrN-Wy_c4j/s1600-h/Freddie.gif"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 115px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlShTLozcKK3RCOoPeIG2hxc3RDGO9EtKZwaahyphenhyphenhs6ZJo3E8OvQH8d4ppLM9Sv7JuHTU_ILvSYowUFDSkmrLes38OflIEv6vAHsSUFA9GTeIRZuzwHBwgC6G03AY0AcTrHlKbrN-Wy_c4j/s200/Freddie.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364878504042357506" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvXnCiDy2PBn9h3NxZvhobgQ3M1NAfRZaykYiu3xWkYFmf02ApVJSZwIHGllsCb1XPiG2rZrC4EmJDjWB_shSQgHQ31naNlnadV_pH6xzz-KagqeaOFkHCUArHFqpbk5XGjXYjCSc2fNen/s1600-h/250px-Scooby-Doo_eats_live_sandwich.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 144px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvXnCiDy2PBn9h3NxZvhobgQ3M1NAfRZaykYiu3xWkYFmf02ApVJSZwIHGllsCb1XPiG2rZrC4EmJDjWB_shSQgHQ31naNlnadV_pH6xzz-KagqeaOFkHCUArHFqpbk5XGjXYjCSc2fNen/s200/250px-Scooby-Doo_eats_live_sandwich.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5364883635803647746" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />The good looking guy is Freddie<br />That's Frederick Herman Jones,<br />Scooby is a Great Dane<br />That prefers human foods to bones<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />So that's it. I've satisfied the search. For more click the link<div style="text-align: center;"><br /><a href="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_the_names_of_Scooby-Doo_characters">Names of the Characters in Scooby Doo</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">This</span></span> <span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">'Names of the characters in Scooby Doo' blogspot entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009</span><br /></span></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-42879401335027119052009-07-11T00:14:00.000-07:002009-07-14T02:06:53.663-07:00Flippin Christmas Verses<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgErpZXU4tSOZWhynLi1wHf0G8HzmOYJgHJk8iGgBWqfuvV5beuSaPlm2G14nVMwcKMbEpU6EgoLsJgJG-qog5ij2hfvEZGDhZTuTC_B4lRsGnXCLj2xcIY3bGbHK4YDzWmpKVb9hjc7H/s1600-h/flippin-xmas-santa-front.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 349px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgErpZXU4tSOZWhynLi1wHf0G8HzmOYJgHJk8iGgBWqfuvV5beuSaPlm2G14nVMwcKMbEpU6EgoLsJgJG-qog5ij2hfvEZGDhZTuTC_B4lRsGnXCLj2xcIY3bGbHK4YDzWmpKVb9hjc7H/s400/flippin-xmas-santa-front.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5358239651592609394" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;">These are the original verses for Flippin' Christmas Throne scene. They were condensed slightly on the actual production because of space restrictions<br /></span><br />Here's Santa sitting<br />Having a right good read<br />Ahead of him is Christmas Eve<br />A busy night indeed<br /><br />He's got to visit a billion homes<br />That's an awful lot to do<br />He'll have no time for reading<br />Or sitting on the loo<br /><br /><br />Hope your Christmas is the greatest<br />As you relax a little bit<br />And after all that over indulgence<br />You deserve a right good sit.<br /><br /><br />Have a good 'un<br />And may you be sitting pretty in the coming year.<br /><br /><br />To see more of the range visit <a href="http://www.lapashe.com/flippin-christmas-decoupage.htm">Flippin Christmas Verses at LaPashe</a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">'Flippin Christmas Verses' blogpage 2009</span><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-34114044722331424982009-06-25T16:24:00.000-07:002009-06-25T17:04:51.098-07:00Michael Jackson is Dead<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrvbnpDezOR4xcr8CCcvtbMFLejonXfa-X-J9jVGLATR1kA8JQyjZS1y-7ljOUIAgQu8-P6t4I9G01bM-Wg6eqvU6R2qJWIuZkmuE0SFh8eA4dISZZ1n5M1v-HWIQssl0u6ttntrwou5tp/s1600-h/jacksondies.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 206px; height: 155px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrvbnpDezOR4xcr8CCcvtbMFLejonXfa-X-J9jVGLATR1kA8JQyjZS1y-7ljOUIAgQu8-P6t4I9G01bM-Wg6eqvU6R2qJWIuZkmuE0SFh8eA4dISZZ1n5M1v-HWIQssl0u6ttntrwou5tp/s400/jacksondies.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351415873320240850" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br />The World's Greatest Entertainer, Michael Jackson<br />Is dead<br />It is said<br />It is sad<br />He has died<br />It can't be denied<br />But is it suicide?<br />You decide<br /><br />For more, click<br /><a href="http://www.tmz.com/2009/06/25/michael-jackson-dies-death-dead-cardiac-arrest/">Michael Jackson is Dead Suicide?</a>,<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">This Michael Jackson is dead blogpage comes to you from Jon Bratton</span><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-11588602440979142352009-06-18T01:20:00.000-07:002009-06-18T01:56:19.129-07:00Fathers Day Poems from Children<div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio51ESbPs1P0BKfNA6TAowz99cgt5cfKkfYRux-LiN8e8a5nKyid3C9v_1KnR8wj73owwnWYIk9gIbpW6ep9trVa4Kshne7iAuwzDQxQpgb08r_db8R4AuzFcH3n1LNhv4nBql7By0pjS_/s1600-h/popcorn.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348583690070663458" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 390px; height: 400px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio51ESbPs1P0BKfNA6TAowz99cgt5cfKkfYRux-LiN8e8a5nKyid3C9v_1KnR8wj73owwnWYIk9gIbpW6ep9trVa4Kshne7iAuwzDQxQpgb08r_db8R4AuzFcH3n1LNhv4nBql7By0pjS_/s400/popcorn.gif" border="0" /></a><br />Here is a short poem from my Fathers Day Poems from Children collection, it being only 3 days to Father's Day<br /></div><div align="center"><em><br /><br />The big corn looked down<br />And patted the (baby)(little)(young) corn's head<br />I'm ever so proud<br />To be a popcorn, he said</em></div><br /><div align="center"><em></em></div><br /><div align="center"><strong></strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong>I'm so proud you are my Popcorn</strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong>Happy Popcorn's Day,</strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong>Daddy</strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong>from</strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong>your baby corn</strong></div><br /><div align="center"><strong></strong></div><br /><div align="center">Jon Bratton 2009</div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">For more, click the link</div><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://www.verses4cards.co.uk/fathers-day-verses.html">Fathers Day Poems from Children</a></div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:78%;" ><em>This Fathers Day Poems from Children blog page is copyright Jon Bratton 2009 but the material may be used for private non commercial use</em></span></div><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center"></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-6330478347486158542009-06-14T01:14:00.000-07:002009-06-14T08:49:22.029-07:00Baked Potato Recipe Foil<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEYQCtmkquv7KCAGzWLr4Su_CaJOzT5Z2ODGWlaXO2dBuId4H4SOIZVxrsHQRfmaNP7jMUfo8ODMWB1ZvImBKiQ3_T1n53dKegRAeoUrdG36DPIEV7csSJ2lObW7GXddJsKU-LABbigPCm/s1600-h/BaconMeltBakedPotato-main_Full.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 280px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEYQCtmkquv7KCAGzWLr4Su_CaJOzT5Z2ODGWlaXO2dBuId4H4SOIZVxrsHQRfmaNP7jMUfo8ODMWB1ZvImBKiQ3_T1n53dKegRAeoUrdG36DPIEV7csSJ2lObW7GXddJsKU-LABbigPCm/s400/BaconMeltBakedPotato-main_Full.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5347210858481596322" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br />Those who know me just know that this is a search engine foible whereby lots of folk search using the phrase, 'baked potato recipe foil' but no one fully satisfies them. So all you folk who want to know the extent to which foil features in the baked potato process here's the definitive answer...it doesn't and it shouldn't and here's why<br /><br />"Baked Potato recipe foil"<br />That should read fail<br />For your potato in foil will boil and spoil<br />You'll be put in Potato Jail<br /><br />The foil traps the moisture, you see<br />It's a mistake<br />Your potato will be steamed<br />It's a far better taste, when you bake<br /><br />So, put the potato in the oven, pricked and naked<br />That's the potato, not you<br />To be honest it doesn't matter<br />So you can be naked too<br /><br />After 50 minutes, remove<br />Your naked potato is now bak-ed<br />Use foil now, if you like, during its 10 minute rest<br />Then serve it, naked<br />(Smothered in butter)<br /><br />Look, if you want to pick up on every innuendo go ahead, cook the potato naked, it's not a problem because there are no hot splashes and if you want to serve it naked covered in butter, no problem because frankly what do you do in you kitchen is a matter between you and the receiver of your smothered offerings<br />Me? I'm hot and bothered and going for a lie down<br /><br />Jon Bratton 2009<br /><br />For more on the subject click the link<br /><a href="http://www.kitchencookingrecipes.com/forum/vegetable-cooking-forum/224359-recipe-suggestions-baked-potato.html">Baked Potato Recipe Foil</a><br />but if you do, woe betide you<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">This 'baked potato recipe foil' is brought to you, for free use, and to satisfy a significant but un fulfilled desire</span></span><br /></div></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-33653470900341195192009-05-24T05:44:00.000-07:002009-05-24T06:02:48.477-07:00Newcastle United Premiership or Championship?<div style="text-align: center;">It's do or die today for the Toon Army. Newcastle United Premiership or Championship next season?<br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTIuseuO4CerhjxAKWJgmlk5WE7PgGkjcI9lSrFJHoY0GSzsxN_j47heble7F1T3Di4jbeUgxCZMhCkOgZaMfzxdhLTtbRT3XPGl69-YGt_Jh4QValwsPZvAWM0q4EOCfErlklx2zEWT9-/s1600-h/shearer_celebrates.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 298px; height: 244px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTIuseuO4CerhjxAKWJgmlk5WE7PgGkjcI9lSrFJHoY0GSzsxN_j47heble7F1T3Di4jbeUgxCZMhCkOgZaMfzxdhLTtbRT3XPGl69-YGt_Jh4QValwsPZvAWM0q4EOCfErlklx2zEWT9-/s320/shearer_celebrates.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5339372315121179778" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br />Hip Hip Hooray<br />Al's saved the day<br />He desorves every penny<br />Of his million quid pay<br />Now he's var nigh boond to stay<br />The dug oot's better than Match of the Day<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmI_kCgu99AB-FGVrt7w35h_mVdghhdfzW3Ish-D_Iw5geJw3Wmzp5iR5azZr-qfUXLrkdOoRArkIjpOjyp-9CvvgfwSHSIY08ZdceKxe_CuR81VkuS6gQsMuqIAQ44cJWDeH0auFjBsJ/s1600-h/shearer_head_down_2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 225px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDmI_kCgu99AB-FGVrt7w35h_mVdghhdfzW3Ish-D_Iw5geJw3Wmzp5iR5azZr-qfUXLrkdOoRArkIjpOjyp-9CvvgfwSHSIY08ZdceKxe_CuR81VkuS6gQsMuqIAQ44cJWDeH0auFjBsJ/s320/shearer_head_down_2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5339372836895330034" border="0" /></a><br />Doom and Gloom<br />The toon is doon<br />Ah think ah'll sup some Newcie Broon<br />Then gan te bed till the next blue moon<br /></div><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">For more, click the link<br /><a href="http://www.nufc.com/">Newcastle United Premiership or Championship?</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">This Newcastle United Premiership or Championship? blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009</span></span><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-84503193093918308862009-05-21T00:33:00.000-07:002009-06-18T01:56:52.076-07:00Mother and Son Poem<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit6dj659CQwjri8wHtsubzTPB-O0aFF54HtaPaIzK1QMVJjp5CleRMpdXIqImjnM1ozfpJEe_Z7Rv7tMleNda37G7dC6uspAcYZVlI5f9nJNKUr1EGvJDjZd8r__HXssS2vTUc3oEB_AKs/s1600-h/StudentOnPhone.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 230px; height: 291px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit6dj659CQwjri8wHtsubzTPB-O0aFF54HtaPaIzK1QMVJjp5CleRMpdXIqImjnM1ozfpJEe_Z7Rv7tMleNda37G7dC6uspAcYZVlI5f9nJNKUr1EGvJDjZd8r__HXssS2vTUc3oEB_AKs/s320/StudentOnPhone.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338180208731619714" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">This mother and son poem is a follow up to yesterday's poems about a student son using Father's Day to try to scrounge some money from his Dad. Today he tackles his mother<br /><br />“Mom, I sent a Fathers Day card to Dad<br />But he didn’t help at all<br />I’m a little.., I’m ski.. I’m broke…, Mom<br />So I thought I’d give you a call”<br /><br />“OK, sweetie,” says Mom<br />“The money is on its way<br />And I’ll send your economics book<br />Which you left, on your last stay”<br /><br />“Uhh oh yeah Mom” says son<br />“Thanks, you really are a friend”<br />Dad comes home and asks his wife<br />“OK how much did you send”<br /><br />"Two checks, one for 20, and the other for 1,000."<br />"That's 1020 dollars!!!" yelled Dad<br />"Don't worry hon," Mom said,<br />“Its really not that bad<br /><br />I taped the $20 check to the book cover<br />But put the $1,000 one in between<br />The pages on Prudent Money Management<br />That’s in Chapter 15!"<br /><br />Jon Bratton 2009<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-style: italic;">This mother and son poem is copyright Jon Bratton. It may be used for non commercial purposes</span></span><br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6344119845678421323.post-4972434504669031242009-05-20T00:39:00.000-07:002009-06-18T01:57:25.605-07:00Father's Day Verses FunnyThis Father's Day Verses Funny blog entry is brought to you in the lead up to Fathers Day next month.<br />Based on a joke I read somewhere I have written this Fathers Day card poem from a student to his Dad containing sledge hammer subtlety<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirDXckfT9OHDHNmD7O0ZRmdxOLJgiUhYdQ4TmDLTMqBt3rdfadIJ-7Ens1GD_sgOUPYD_emq4kzF9m6O6N8r2rc4yYbO1bJx3dbtiYKWxetIPhOmEIUMeIRtENTPAU9wtwcyla2h2ZUsiu/s1600-h/fathers+day+card.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 235px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirDXckfT9OHDHNmD7O0ZRmdxOLJgiUhYdQ4TmDLTMqBt3rdfadIJ-7Ens1GD_sgOUPYD_emq4kzF9m6O6N8r2rc4yYbO1bJx3dbtiYKWxetIPhOmEIUMeIRtENTPAU9wtwcyla2h2ZUsiu/s320/fathers+day+card.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337859781300648146" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_T5V7btnwRHZ4tS76cqW0O9Z5hPtHZmyn6_7G2uHstOhmb5Ab-175_IJYRfxxxJzpd56Wa2O_rOL98jtq8EakBBQPVgeuEciIkSIMAKGxzKMu40n4VVWwDe8R75TGVc0uGXj6JQpNGd3K/s1600-h/poorstudent.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 154px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_T5V7btnwRHZ4tS76cqW0O9Z5hPtHZmyn6_7G2uHstOhmb5Ab-175_IJYRfxxxJzpd56Wa2O_rOL98jtq8EakBBQPVgeuEciIkSIMAKGxzKMu40n4VVWwDe8R75TGVc0uGXj6JQpNGd3K/s320/poorstudent.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337862278817611906" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Dad, $chool i$ really great.<br />I’m $tudying very hard.<br />I want for little, well, sort of..<br />Except, perhaps, a ¢ard<br />I would love to receive something from you.<br />About home and Mom and $uch<br />I am making lot$ of friend$<br />But I mi$$ you very much<br />The only reason I made thi$ ¢ard<br />Is becau$e I want to $ay<br />You mean $o very much to me<br />Have a $uper Father’$ Day<br /><br />Your Loving, Hard up $logger $on.<br /><br /><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4HD2rp1S7lmWvD1P9LAKQyzvDzORi55rVVKgV3iCWMbH1PVKFdlh-VxwTCTWwrS6jIAKtdeybzVju6KboRRaHTugOxp3jxU7dI2TJuHA88Jkvb1TLlja6AZJ2RodX9guTLj26Di41DcT3/s1600-h/CartoonNO.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 319px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4HD2rp1S7lmWvD1P9LAKQyzvDzORi55rVVKgV3iCWMbH1PVKFdlh-VxwTCTWwrS6jIAKtdeybzVju6KboRRaHTugOxp3jxU7dI2TJuHA88Jkvb1TLlja6AZJ2RodX9guTLj26Di41DcT3/s320/CartoonNO.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337865668791208530" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Image from http://www.dubuque.k12.ia.us/parents/CartoonNO.jpg </span><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br />The wise father replied<br /><br />Dear Son,<br />Your sincere speech did NOt go unNOticed<br />But it came as NO surprise<br />And the subtletness of your message<br />Did NOt escape my teary eyes<br /><br />I do kNOw that the study of ecoNOmics,<br />Is to you, interesting stuff<br />The pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task,<br />And you can never kNOw eNOugh.<br /><br />I wrote to my Dad<br />When I was away at college<br />My Dad let me kNOw the meaning of NO<br />And I pass on to you that kNOwledge<br /><br />Jon Bratton 2009<br /></div>Jon Brattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17991105601246549163noreply@blogger.com2