Good Turning 40 Jokes

The following good turning 40 jokes were gathered for the long poem I published yesterday...since transferred to another site. These were the jokes I didn't use in the rhyme

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

Travelling to see historical sites isn't as much fun when many of the sites are younger than you are.

Good turning 40 jokes stand alone or combined to form a speech

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Conversations with people your own age often become a duel of ailments.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

All of your favourite movies are now re-released in colour.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory

Before crossing a room you look both ways.

Another batch of good turning 40 jokes to stand alone or combined to form a speech

You sing along with the elevator music.

Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.

If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Last batch of less good turning 40 jokes stand alone or combined to form a speech

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

You start video taping daytime game shows

When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!

You start hesitating in deleting those blue pill emails that you get…you know the ones where you wonder whether everyone gets them or whether you are being singled out

If you want to see the turning 40 jokes that were used in the poem, click on this link

Good Turning 40 Jokes in Poem Form

And now, here's the lyrics to a great song which contains many good turning 40 jokes. Read the lyrics and then see the performance of the song by Tom Rush by clicking on the YouTube link

Looking for my wallet and my car keys
Well they can’t have gone too far;
And just as soon as I find my glasses
I’m sure I’ll see just where they are.
Supposed to meet someone for lunch today,
But I can’t remember where
Or who it is that I am meeting:
It’s in my organiser ~ somewhere.
I might have left it on the counter;
Maybe outside in the car.
Last time I remember driving
Was to that Memory Enhancement Seminar.

More Good Turning 40 Jokes

What's that far-off distant ringing
and that strangely familiar tone?
Must be the person I am meeting
Calling me on my brand new cordless ‘phone.
I might have left it under the covers,
Or maybe outside on the lawn;
And I’ve got just one more ring to go
Before my answering machine kicks on.
*Click*
“Hi, this is Tom and your call means a lot to me,
So leave a message at the tone
And I’ll do my best to try to remember
To call you back when I get home.”
*Beep*
“Tom, this is Gwendoline,
and I am trying not to cry
But I’ve been waiting here for over an hour ~
I thought you loved me. This is goodbye!
”Hell, the voice sounds familiar,
And the name it rings a bell.
Let’s see now, where was I?
Oh well...

Tom Rush.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yN-6PbqAPM

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use

40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

40th Birthday Rhymes

If you came here yesterday you would not have seen what you see now. You would have seen 40th Birthday Rhymes

If you are looking at this for the first time you might be thinking that the title doesn't match the content

Let me explain

Yesterday I published a longish Over the Hill Birthday poem, comprising many four line rhymes, any of which could be used in isolation or used together as a complete poem suitable for a 40th speech, toast or certificate. Here's the illustration I used and a taste of the rhymes

Image by www.tomrichmond.com This is a website well worth a visit

Now that you've turned 40
Much of the following is true of you
And fair enough you’re not yet over the hill
But the hilltop’s now in view

Or it would be, if you got some specs
For your rapidly fading eyes
Already your supply of brain cells
Is down to a manageable size.

If you want to read the whole poem it's now been transferred to another website of mine and I'll give you the link at the end. If you're interested in Search Engine Optimisation stay with me for now. If you're only seeking 40th Birthday Rhymes jump down to the bottom of the page.

Within a quarter of an hour of publishing it, it was on page 2 of the Google search engine results. Disappointing because I had expected it to be on page 1..that's happened often and this time I really went for the keywords... 40th Birthday Rhymes...to be included to the maximum density, without spamming. I've read many times that you can go for the keyword(s) being used 5 times in every hundred words ie a density of 5%

So I did that.

My four line verses usually have 25 words there or thereabouts so if I was to have a density of say 4% to be on the safe side I could use the search term at the end of each verse ie saying it 4 times for each 100 words

Well it felt like I was spamming. It was completely unnatural, it would be irritating to humans and I had grave doubts that it would be acceptable to the Googlebot (Google's spider/robot).... but it was worth the experiment provided I was reasonably satisfied that, if this one blog entry was perceived to be spamming then only this one entry would be penalised not the entire site.

In the next 24 hours not a single person arrived using the search term and how could that be so when it was on Page 2 of the search results? So I checked and found that the blog entry had been damned to oblivion, presumably almost immediately, since there weren't any visitors even early on

So, let that be a lesson to us all. If it feels like spamming it probably is and you will pay the price.

A few lines from here is the link to the original poem. When you go there you'll see that 40th Birthday Rhymes is mentioned at the end of each set of four verses of four lines. The host of that website has an analyse facility and it regards that density to be good

I've highlighted each time I've used the keyword phrase 40th Birthday Rhymes in this piece and overall it looks about right to me. We'll see how long it takes Google to forgive me

40th Birthday Rhymes

And if that wasn't enough here's more good stuff

40th Birthday Rhymes /Sayings

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use
40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

Flippin' Men Verses Cycling

Image from http://www.crafterskitchen.blogspot.com/

This was written at a specific request for a 70 year old cycling Dad

On your 70th birthday, some might say it's time?
To park it up for good, Dad
But you'll be cycling till you're eighty
It seems a tad more than a fad, Dad

Keep on keeping on
Congratulations on biking it to the Big Seven-0

This Flippin Men Verses Cycling blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009 but the verse may be used for private non commercial purposes

40th Birthday Sayings

Welcome to 40th Birthday Sayings which I have created by adapting some well known quotes to be more readily used on a birthday card or as part of a speech or toast

Here is the first batch

At 40 you’ve got your head together but your body is starting to fall apart.

At Forty you’re at the old age of youth, entering the youth of old age

At 40 you are approaching the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush to the net.

At 40 you have a lot to be thankful for. Isn’t it nice that wrinkles, greying hair, thinning hair and developing belly doesn't hurt

My 40th Birthday Sayings blog entry continues with these

You know you've reached 40 when a doctor, not a policeman, tells you to slow down, all you exercise are your prerogatives and it takes you longer to rest than to get tired.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation - at your age now it will start avoiding you.

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment. ~Benjamin Franklin

At your age now you should become a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative Mathematics, and you’ll honestly not know how old you are.

Yet more 40th Birthday Sayings

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.

Look on the bright side. You can start flirting all you like....you're becoming harmless.

At 40, you’re now eighteen with 22 years experience.

Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It’s your 40th birthday. Did you jerk today?

Lest you haven't found one yet here's four more 40th Birthday Sayings

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. In your case, age has just shown up all by itself.

At your age you can do just as much as ever - but would rather not.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. Said Mark Twain
If it were so, today you’d still be 40 but next year you’d be 39 not 41

For now that's the last of the 40th Birthday sayings but look in again. I am working on more

Meantime here's more elsewhere

40th Birthday Sayings

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use
40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

Flippin' Men Verses Walkies

Welcome to Free 40th Birthday Poems, one blog of many covering special birthdays

This blog entry, which has been changed for contractual reasons, has no content to speak of but gets a lot of traffic. I've no idea why

On the occasion of your big seven -0
Special birthday wishes we/I send
May your birthday feel as good as you’d feel
If scoring four an end

And keep on keeping on

That verse has been parked here...it is for the Flippin Men Bowler, just in case you came here for Flippin Men Verses

More Free 40th Birthday Poems

Free 40th birthday poems, verses for Hand made cards using Flippin' Men decoupage sheets from La Pashe

by Jon Bratton 2008.

Wedding Anniversary Verses

Image from www.sodahead.com

It’s Jack & Eva’s 50th wedding anniversary
And Jack says "Have you ever cheated on me?"
Eva replies, "Oh Jack, why ask such a question?
After 50 years, just let it be”
But Jack insisted and she said “ Well, just 3 occasions..."
"Oh no… when for goodness sake ?"
"When you wanted to start the business
And no bank would provide the stake
Remember, the bank manager came and signed
The loan papers, now do you see?
No questions asked?... Well..."
"Oh, Eva, you did that for me?
I respect you more than ever,
So when was number 2?"
"It was when you had the heart attack
And no surgeon would touch you...
Remember how Dr. Baker came all the way
Up here and saved your life
Well...." "Oh my god!! Eva,

You are such a wonderful wife...
And so my darling when was number 3?"
“Well, Jack, remember that time you sought
To be Leader of the Local Council
And you were fifty three votes short...."

Jon Bratton 2008
(My short funny rhyming poems are based on jokes by unknown persons)

More Wedding Anniversary Verses

What Should I Write in an Anniversary Card to my Very Old Spouse

Image from http://insidelala.blogspot.com/2008/02/right-person.html

Old Love Poem

To husband from wife

When you were in your younger days,
And you were your svelte self,
Your belt was round your waist
Now it sits below your shelf.

Now that you're more mature,
Why not set your body free;
Seek the comfort of elastic
Where once your waist would be.

To wife from husband

When you were in your younger days,

You weighed a few pounds less,

You needn't hold your tummy in

To wear a belted dress.

But now that you are older,

You can set your body free;

There's the comfort of elastic

Where once your waist would be.

And how about those tights you wear

They're sized by weight, I see,

So that explains why the crotch

Is down below the knee

Universal ending

You now need to wear glasses
As the prints are getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that you were taller.

But though your hair has turned to grey
And your skin no longer fits,
On the inside, you're the same old you,
And I love you still, to bits.

By Jon Bratton 2005
but based on some sentiments by others, unknown

*****

When I said "I do", I didn't mean everything!!!

*****

Or I like this quote

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming 'WOW What a Ride!'" Author Unknown

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What should I write in an anniversary card?