Funny Birthday Rhymes

Oh alright then, but in the 40 plus age group, who is the fairest of them all?
http://timelytidbits.wordpress.com/category/scripture/page/6/ for the image

Let's start this Funny Birthday Rhymes collection with this one by Author Unknown, topped and tailed by me. It is perfect for the Other Half's birthday if you have a perfect Other Half

OH with SOH

(other half with sense of humour)

I came across this birthday rhyme
Oh Boy, did I larf
I wondered 'Is it too risky
To send to my Other Half ?'

The author said 'it's perfect for an OH
But only if your OH's perfect, do you see?'
Well, I thought, my OH is perfect
So that's the poem for me

Of course, I love you darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word

So your bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin' there to grab

So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell you, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle you
I can get my arms round there

No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just lost their battle with gravity
But I know you did your best

I'm tellin' you the truth now
I never tell you lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on your thighs

I swear on my nana's grave
The moment that we met
I thought you were as good as I
Was ever gonna get

And what a perfect choice I made
I've got the perfect OH
With still a body to die for
And an enormous SOH
(I hope!!)

Happy Birthday, darling

(And what a perfect choice I made
If I'm to believe the rumour
You've still got the body that I die for
And a terrific sense of humour)

If this is not the perfect funny birthday rhyme for you here's more Funny Birthday Rhymes

©
This 'Funny Birthday Rhymes' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009.
This material is free to use for personal use but may not be lifted in whole or part by website publishers

Toasts for 40th Birthday.

Toasts for 40th Birthday

Did you come here to find material to propose just a short toast. There’s nothing wrong in keeping it brief and to the point. Some of the best toasts are just a few lines.

Toasts for 40th Birthday…Example of Short Toast

I would like to thank all of you for joining us in the celebration of (Jack's) (Jill’s) 40th birthday.

Special thanks to (Jack‘s) folks, it's really great to see you. I would like to thank (Jack) for being in, and for making, my life for the past 15 years and I am sure all of you join me in wishing (Jack) a happy 40th birthday.

You’re only half way there (Jack) and may your next 40 years be filled with health, joy and prosperity

So please raise your glasses

To (Jack)

Or are you making a speech, followed by a toast?

Many Toasts for 40th Birthday Are Preceded by a Speech

Most speeches about turning 40 use getting old/over the hill humour and there’s lots out there.

Here’s a link to a set of getting old jokes woven into a funny poem

Getting Old Poem

And here’s a link to more

Toasts for 40th Birthday featuring over the Hill Jokes

Toasts for 40th Birthday can Concentrate on the Acquisition of Wisdom

Here’s a bunch more I’ve compiled, this time concentrating on the fact that...

With age comes wisdom/experience/nous/street cred/moxie/savvy/

...Forty is not the ultimate F-Word…

After 40, (Jack)(Jill), you’ll learn that you can live without sex but not without your glasses.

You’ll begin to realise that it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission,

that for every action, there is an equal and opposite government programme and that

Men Are From Earth and Women Are From Earth so just deal with it.

Oh and you will just accept as fact that bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques

It will dawn on you that the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits and fewer things will seem worthwhile waiting in (a queue) (line) for.
You’ll get philosophical and accept that some days you're the dog; some days you're the (lamp post)(hydrant),

that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed and that

if it weren't for stress you’d have no energy at all

Toasts for 40th Birthday continued…

You’ll develop a love for cooking with wine and sometimes you may even put some in the food. Broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist will change places, any time soon.

What will now become obvious is that newspapers are a total waste of money since they have little to do with true news.

You’ll have realised that
aliens have not suddenly made all pet dogs attack babies, in the Summer..during the slow news days and that

there’s not millions more pervs than there used to be
etc...come up with your own

You’ll see the light, and realise for example that 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep,

that junk is something you keep for years and then throw it away moments before you need it….

that experience is a wonderful thing as it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.. .

that by the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends…American Express, that'll do nicely but when in your education did any one say watch out for a World Wide Credit Crunch........

and that you should learn from the mistakes of others because you just can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

And Overnight, Jill, you’ve become a WOW … a Wiser Older Woman
Overnight, Jack, you’ve become a WOW…a Wiser Older Wimp…just watch how slow you start to drive
Enough, already it’s time to make a toast
etc

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use
40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

Good Turning 40 Jokes

The following good turning 40 jokes were gathered for the long poem I published yesterday...since transferred to another site. These were the jokes I didn't use in the rhyme

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

Travelling to see historical sites isn't as much fun when many of the sites are younger than you are.

Good turning 40 jokes stand alone or combined to form a speech

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Conversations with people your own age often become a duel of ailments.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

All of your favourite movies are now re-released in colour.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory

Before crossing a room you look both ways.

Another batch of good turning 40 jokes to stand alone or combined to form a speech

You sing along with the elevator music.

Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.

If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Last batch of less good turning 40 jokes stand alone or combined to form a speech

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

You start video taping daytime game shows

When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!

You start hesitating in deleting those blue pill emails that you get…you know the ones where you wonder whether everyone gets them or whether you are being singled out

If you want to see the turning 40 jokes that were used in the poem, click on this link

Good Turning 40 Jokes in Poem Form

And now, here's the lyrics to a great song which contains many good turning 40 jokes. Read the lyrics and then see the performance of the song by Tom Rush by clicking on the YouTube link

Looking for my wallet and my car keys
Well they can’t have gone too far;
And just as soon as I find my glasses
I’m sure I’ll see just where they are.
Supposed to meet someone for lunch today,
But I can’t remember where
Or who it is that I am meeting:
It’s in my organiser ~ somewhere.
I might have left it on the counter;
Maybe outside in the car.
Last time I remember driving
Was to that Memory Enhancement Seminar.

More Good Turning 40 Jokes

What's that far-off distant ringing
and that strangely familiar tone?
Must be the person I am meeting
Calling me on my brand new cordless ‘phone.
I might have left it under the covers,
Or maybe outside on the lawn;
And I’ve got just one more ring to go
Before my answering machine kicks on.
*Click*
“Hi, this is Tom and your call means a lot to me,
So leave a message at the tone
And I’ll do my best to try to remember
To call you back when I get home.”
*Beep*
“Tom, this is Gwendoline,
and I am trying not to cry
But I’ve been waiting here for over an hour ~
I thought you loved me. This is goodbye!
”Hell, the voice sounds familiar,
And the name it rings a bell.
Let’s see now, where was I?
Oh well...

Tom Rush.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yN-6PbqAPM

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use

40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

40th Birthday Rhymes

If you came here yesterday you would not have seen what you see now. You would have seen 40th Birthday Rhymes

If you are looking at this for the first time you might be thinking that the title doesn't match the content

Let me explain

Yesterday I published a longish Over the Hill Birthday poem, comprising many four line rhymes, any of which could be used in isolation or used together as a complete poem suitable for a 40th speech, toast or certificate. Here's the illustration I used and a taste of the rhymes

Image by www.tomrichmond.com This is a website well worth a visit

Now that you've turned 40
Much of the following is true of you
And fair enough you’re not yet over the hill
But the hilltop’s now in view

Or it would be, if you got some specs
For your rapidly fading eyes
Already your supply of brain cells
Is down to a manageable size.

If you want to read the whole poem it's now been transferred to another website of mine and I'll give you the link at the end. If you're interested in Search Engine Optimisation stay with me for now. If you're only seeking 40th Birthday Rhymes jump down to the bottom of the page.

Within a quarter of an hour of publishing it, it was on page 2 of the Google search engine results. Disappointing because I had expected it to be on page 1..that's happened often and this time I really went for the keywords... 40th Birthday Rhymes...to be included to the maximum density, without spamming. I've read many times that you can go for the keyword(s) being used 5 times in every hundred words ie a density of 5%

So I did that.

My four line verses usually have 25 words there or thereabouts so if I was to have a density of say 4% to be on the safe side I could use the search term at the end of each verse ie saying it 4 times for each 100 words

Well it felt like I was spamming. It was completely unnatural, it would be irritating to humans and I had grave doubts that it would be acceptable to the Googlebot (Google's spider/robot).... but it was worth the experiment provided I was reasonably satisfied that, if this one blog entry was perceived to be spamming then only this one entry would be penalised not the entire site.

In the next 24 hours not a single person arrived using the search term and how could that be so when it was on Page 2 of the search results? So I checked and found that the blog entry had been damned to oblivion, presumably almost immediately, since there weren't any visitors even early on

So, let that be a lesson to us all. If it feels like spamming it probably is and you will pay the price.

A few lines from here is the link to the original poem. When you go there you'll see that 40th Birthday Rhymes is mentioned at the end of each set of four verses of four lines. The host of that website has an analyse facility and it regards that density to be good

I've highlighted each time I've used the keyword phrase 40th Birthday Rhymes in this piece and overall it looks about right to me. We'll see how long it takes Google to forgive me

40th Birthday Rhymes

And if that wasn't enough here's more good stuff

40th Birthday Rhymes /Sayings

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use
40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

40th Birthday Sayings

Welcome to 40th Birthday Sayings which I have created by adapting some well known quotes to be more readily used on a birthday card or as part of a speech or toast

Here is the first batch

At 40 you’ve got your head together but your body is starting to fall apart.

At Forty you’re at the old age of youth, entering the youth of old age

At 40 you are approaching the dead centre of middle age. It occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush to the net.

At 40 you have a lot to be thankful for. Isn’t it nice that wrinkles, greying hair, thinning hair and developing belly doesn't hurt

My 40th Birthday Sayings blog entry continues with these

You know you've reached 40 when a doctor, not a policeman, tells you to slow down, all you exercise are your prerogatives and it takes you longer to rest than to get tired.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation - at your age now it will start avoiding you.

At 20 years of age the will reigns; at 30 the wit; at 40 the judgment. ~Benjamin Franklin

At your age now you should become a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative Mathematics, and you’ll honestly not know how old you are.

Yet more 40th Birthday Sayings

Age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.

Look on the bright side. You can start flirting all you like....you're becoming harmless.

At 40, you’re now eighteen with 22 years experience.

Age seldom arrives smoothly or quickly. It’s your 40th birthday. Did you jerk today?

Lest you haven't found one yet here's four more 40th Birthday Sayings

Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. In your case, age has just shown up all by itself.

At your age you can do just as much as ever - but would rather not.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. Said Mark Twain
If it were so, today you’d still be 40 but next year you’d be 39 not 41

For now that's the last of the 40th Birthday sayings but look in again. I am working on more

Meantime here's more elsewhere

40th Birthday Sayings

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use
40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

60th Birthday One Liners

Today is the 60th birthday of the next King of England so I thought I'd gather together some 60th birthday one liners and I'll tell you why

The most popular search term under the heading of 60th birthday is not 60th birthday gift ideas but '60th birthday one liners'. This wouldn't be odd if people generally when searching for something to say on someone's birthday used the expression 'one liners'...but they don't. They say birthday poems, birthday verses, birthday quotes, usually accompanied by the adjectives 'free' and 'funny'. When it comes to the 60th birthday it would seem that people, en masse, feel that the poor 60 year old hasn't the attention span to cope with a whole four line verse but can just about manage a one liner

If you Google 60th birthday one liners you get on the first page not a single site that's in the business of providing things to say on birthday cards..and there are many, including my own verses4cards site so, for example a candy company has exploited the popularity of the search term and the lack of attention given to it by poem/quote providers.

Well I'm a poem/verse/rhyme provider and by virtue of the following one liners, hand selected by me, we'll see whether this blog entry on this brand new blog climbs the greasy pole and gets beyond the candy company

UPDATE

19 days after '60th birthday one liners' was posted here it was on page one of the Google results page in 4th position just below the candy company. I've made another change so in another 20 days or so I hope to get in pole position. I'll let you know. UPDATE On 13th Dec, just 29 days after posting, this page made it to No 1 using the search term 60th birthday one liners.

So here goes

Happy 60th Birthday. My thoughts are free to go anywhere, but it's surprising how often they head in your direction.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely." -Ogden Nash

Happy 60th Birthday! You're not getting older...just more distinguished!

It is often said that With Age Comes Wisdom and you're One Of The Wisest People I Know!

Just like fine wine, you grow better with the years! Happy 60th Birthday!

Today, be aware of how you are spending your 1,440 beautiful moments, and spend them wisely... and since today is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun, enjoy the trip.


You're not getting older, you're getting better.

Youth is a work of nature, but age is a work of art! Congratulations on your second childhood! Happy 60th Birthday!


As William Shakespeare might have said of you

Have you not a moist eye, a dry hand, a yellow cheek, a white beard, a decreasing leg, an increasing belly? Is not your voice broken, your wind short, your chin double, your wit single, and every part about you blasted with antiquity?

"There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents and only one for birthday presents, you know." This Lewis Carroll quotation is invaluable and is my birthday present to you

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." -George Burns

God grant me the senility To forget the people I never liked, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Sixty! Now is the time to make your mark on the world – explore the Antarctic or become an astronaut. Make your mind up to take on exciting new challenges - straight after your afternoon nap.

Today, on your 60th birthday be aware of how you are spending your 1,440 beautiful moments, and spend them wisely.


Happy 60th Birthday and remember, as the Chinese say: You can not prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair (added extra)

Remember hair!


How did it get so late so soon?

It's night before it's afternoon.

December is here before it's June.

My goodness how the time has flewn.

How did it get so late so soon?

Dr. Seuss

May the best of your past (and you’ve got a lot) be the worst of your future. Happy 60th

Happy 60th Birthday and by now you‘ll know: There is still no cure for the common birthday and you’ll also be aware that reaching another birthday is much better than the alternative

Happy 60th Birthday . Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending

If you cannot do great things at the age of 60, do small things in a great way

Happy 60th birthday HRH Charles
and
Happy 60th Birthday Phil Bex
(a dear old school pal of mine)

For a few more 60th birthday one liners

This 60th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use
60th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 40th Birthday, 50th Birthday, 70th Birthday