Goodbye Sad Poems, But Funny

Goodbye Sad Poems is a popular search, particularly for co-workers who are departing for pastures new, or retiring. I have written many such poems where the goodbye maybe sad but the poem is funny. These were written about very specific people but here I've taken all the generic material and welded it together to produce a poem to apply to anyone...with a sense of humour. If to a teetotaller, take out the verses about drink. It is intended to be read out loud by two people, the black type is good cop and the purple is bad cop

Today)(tonight), we have a change of style

It's a different kind of do

I've cut my eloquent, articulate, smooth and polished speech

That'll save an hour or two

We have for you a little ditty
A farewell and good luck quip
To say goodbye to our dear friend
As he departs this sinking ship

Yes a Co-worker is leaving
It's now sincerity time
To pay him a special tribute
By insulting him in rhyme

Co-workers leaving is always sad
A time for sorrow and grieving
But today we can be happy
Coz it's Charlie Smith that's leaving

I've heard about your ditties
I'm not sure I'm very keen
I just take poetic license
You take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friend
I don't want any part
Oh (Mary)(Bill), don't make a fuss
I'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarks

Did I not promise just now
No innuendoes or calling him names
Get on, yer silly cow

Alright, it's goodbye to a hard worker

It is a terrible pity

To lose such a staunch member of...

The Skivers and Shirkers Committee

We're saying goodbye to a learned colleague
Who knows that one over the eight is nine
We're bidding adieu to a man of spirit
Who's very fond of wine

We all like to socialise
With a drop of wine or beer
But to us, it's just a pastime
To Charlie, it's his career

Work is a mere distraction
As a respite, it's fine
Between yesterday's binge on beer
And today's excess of wine

Charlie's a very hard worker
Do you really think that's true?
If you tell Mr (Brown) Charlie's leaving
He'll say "Sorry, Charlie Who?

No I'm not having it
We can't treat a friend this way
OK, Clever Clogs
You think of something nice to say

You can always rely on Charlie
When you're in a desperate need
When things are bad but could get worse
They will, that's guaranteed

I remember when poor Charlie (lost that big order)(fell down the stairs) (whatever)
I felt sorry for him, more than a bit
It's something Charlie would like to forget
Yes, that's why I mentioned it

You couldn't have been more insulting

What have you got to say?

I'm very sorry...I'm very sorry

You made me throw all the best bits away

Charlie, take no notice of him
At least I'm on your side
This one here, couldn't have been more insulting
But believe me, Charlie, I tried

I'd like now to propose a toast

To bring this to an end

To Charlie, no longer a co-worker

But still a very dear friend

Jon Bratton 2009
but based on his earlier material

If you want more Goodbye Sad Poems...but funny, click the link

Goodbye Sad poems, but funny

This 'Goodbye Sad Poems, but funny' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

Leaving Poem

This is a continuation of the leaving poem started the day before yesterday. In this section Martin and Gill, a married couple are discussed

Anyway, who are these five people
Who will pretty soon be gone
It's time for us to name them
And insult them one by one

Let's start with Gill, a talented actress
A girl of many parts
She can play a really marvelous drunk
Who hiccups, burps and....falls over

Gill's been in so many plays
'Absent Friends' was a nice piece
Ah yes Dianna, she only wanted one affair

The entire Canadian Mounted Police

She was in Shakespeare's Ladies
And in 'What the Butler Saw'
And two parts in the Comedy Hour
And she still came back for more

Pic from http://www.chesterlestreettheatregroup.com/

And in 'Move Over Mrs Markham'

She really can't go wrong

All tweedy drawers and sensible shoes

It'll be her great swan song

That's where she has a "man that does"

Which is somewhat ironic

Cos Martin would like to, but usually can't

After a night on sid and tonic

Are you saying his connubial duties

He is failing to fulfill

I'm just saying-once he's said yes to a pint

He always says no to a Gill

But Martin really loves his wife

Then he should really love her first

It's not his fault, it's just he has

A most prodigious thirst

But he must be a man that does

Every now and then

Oh of course....three times

Charis, Luke and Jen

No I'm not having it

(Oh you as well, huh?)

We can't treat a friend this way

OK, Clever Clogs

You think of something nice to say

Err...um..We're really glad there's a few more months

Before he finally retires

And he's going to be a tremendous loss

To the local sid suppliers

He's been a great help to them

I must say, quite ingeniously

Now look, Martin doesn't drink that much

What? He takes it intravenously?

Martin's made a marvelous contribution

To this town's theatre life

Oh you mean while he was boozing at the darts

He sent along his wife

No, I mean he's contributed a great deal

To the theatres of this town

Oh yes, I remember his two cultured acts of drama

Balox meets Charlie Brown

I really think you've said enough

You're all the same, you men

You never mentioned Martin's producing skills

I did, Charis, Luke and Jen

It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment
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Leaving Poem

Leaving Poem for Expat Friends Involved in Am Dram Theatre Group Leaving the Country

Five people were leaving the theater group and this poem was read out in the Blue Room, following the performance of a skit. It was another double act, this time with a lady. I read the lines in bold

This is just a little ditty

A ma-salama poem

To say goodbye to our dear friends

As they make their way back home

Yes folks, you've had the play

It's now sincerity time

To pay tribute to our departing members

And insult them all in rhyme

I've heard about your ditties

I'm not sure I'm very keen

I just take poetic license

You take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friends

I don't want any part

Oh Mary, don't make a fuss

I'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarks
Did I not promise just now
No innuendoes or calling people names

Get on, yer silly cow

Alright, it's goodbye to two fine actors
Which is a terrible pity

It's goodbye to a fine producer

And two members of committee

We say goodbye to just one mother
And three men-the total's nine
We bid adieu to a man of spirit
And one who deals in wine

Ma-salama to two married couples

And one who's happy....and free
If we count the departing back stage folk
The number comes to three

So far, that's seventeen people

That's really more than plenty
Throw in two ladies and a lighting man
And the number comes to twenty

There's two who dabble in computers
There's one in avionics
There's four who like to tipple wine
And one on sid and tonics

There's a sewing singing teacher

Who's big in the arts... arse
There's a devoted snooker player
Who like playing darts... farce

There's one with a London accent
There's four who speak quite posh
There's two who like a game of bridge
And one who's fond of squash

There's one who's very nautical
And at least one who's very naughty
That's an awful lot of people
The number now is forty

Photo from www.bbc.co.uk

Forty people leaving?

That's enough to fill a bus

But it's not the first time that we've faced

A mass exodus

Anyway, I've found some double accounting

The number's only five

And though they're indispensable

ORP will survive

ORP used to be mainly American

Then the British made a coop (coup)

Excuse me, that should be coo, it's French. It's a silent 'P'
A silent 'P' huh?

OK! ORP used to be American

Then the British made a coo

And now the Brits are leaving

Five in one fell swoo

So what'll become of the membership

Who will it next comprise

If it goes the way of the Country

Bangladeshis and Thais

There's another 40 verses of this so I'll continue it tomorrow

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It's a bit of a slog, writing a blog without feedback. I'd be made up if, before you made off, you made a comment

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Leaving Poem

Anyway, he decided to join a choir
He'd heard singers could be fun
And besides, if he could get a Singer
He'd get more sewing done.
(..of wild oats)

This is one of a number of saying goodbye/leaving job poems I wrote and read out at leaving parties for British and American expats, leaving after a number of years working in a Middle Eastern country. In this particular one, for a horticulturist and his wife I had a second person reading the insulting lines...shown in bold

Horticulturist grows and grows

This is just a little ditty
A ma-salama poem
To say goodye to our dear friends
As they make their way back home

Yes folks here we go again
It's goodbye ditty time
We usually do this kind of thing
With insults all in rhyme

But these two people are too nice
For anything like that
So I'm striking out this next line
Dick Salisbury's getting fat?

Well, come on, let's face it
He's not exactly underweight

He's just maximising growth potential
It's his job to propagate

Well, I must say he's good at it
The evidence clearly shows
He must be eating bone meal
He just grows,,,and grows...and grows

He's like one of his tomatoes
Fed on growing stuff
Dick, it's time to ease off a bit
You've grown quite big enough

Now look we've discussed this
You're just being rude
I'm just trying to make the point
That Dick is fond of food

So what if Dick's a little..
podgey? fuller figured
Who wants him slim and slick?

Exactly, let's ask the ladies
Who likes a big fat Dick?

There's 68 more verses to come so I'll leave it there for today but stay tuned for the more to come...who was Wanda?