Saturday, 10 January 2009

Good Turning 40 Jokes

The following good turning 40 jokes were gathered for the long poem I published yesterday...since transferred to another site. These were the jokes I didn't use in the rhyme

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.

You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

Travelling to see historical sites isn't as much fun when many of the sites are younger than you are.

Good turning 40 jokes stand alone or combined to form a speech

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

Conversations with people your own age often become a duel of ailments.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

All of your favourite movies are now re-released in colour.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory

Before crossing a room you look both ways.

Another batch of good turning 40 jokes to stand alone or combined to form a speech

You sing along with the elevator music.

Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.

If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Last batch of less good turning 40 jokes stand alone or combined to form a speech

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

You start video taping daytime game shows

When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!

You start hesitating in deleting those blue pill emails that you get…you know the ones where you wonder whether everyone gets them or whether you are being singled out

If you want to see the turning 40 jokes that were used in the poem, click on this link
And now, here's the lyrics to a great song which contains many good turning 40 jokes. Read the lyrics and then see the performance of the song by Tom Rush by clicking on the YouTube link

Looking for my wallet and my car keys
Well they can’t have gone too far;
And just as soon as I find my glasses
I’m sure I’ll see just where they are.
Supposed to meet someone for lunch today,
But I can’t remember where
Or who it is that I am meeting:
It’s in my organiser ~ somewhere.
I might have left it on the counter;
Maybe outside in the car.
Last time I remember driving
Was to that Memory Enhancement Seminar.
More Good Turning 40 Jokes

What's that far-off distant ringing
and that strangely familiar tone?
Must be the person I am meeting
Calling me on my brand new cordless ‘phone.
I might have left it under the covers,
Or maybe outside on the lawn;
And I’ve got just one more ring to go
Before my answering machine kicks on.
“Hi, this is Tom and your call means a lot to me,
So leave a message at the tone
And I’ll do my best to try to remember
To call you back when I get home.”
“Tom, this is Gwendoline,
and I am trying not to cry
But I’ve been waiting here for over an hour ~
I thought you loved me. This is goodbye!
”Hell, the voice sounds familiar,
And the name it rings a bell.
Let’s see now, where was I?
Oh well...
Tom Rush.

This 40th Birthday material was compiled by Jon Bratton 2008. It is copyright and may not be lifted and used in whole or in part by website publishers. Measures are in place to detect plagiarism. It is, so far as Jon Bratton is concerned, but not necessarily any other named copyright holder, Free to use by individuals for personal, non publishing use
40th Birthday material, comprising as it does, references to getting older and gaining wisdom applies equally to 50th Birthday, 60th Birthday, 70th Birthday

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