My Aardvark and Friends

I'm still loft rummaging but to keep you entertained here's a silly little thing I wrote in 2005



I already had an aardvark and an octopus
So you can imagine the almighty fuss
When I took home a hippopotamus
When I did it again next day, me Dad just cusses
"Two bloomin' hippopotamuses
They're as big as double decker buses"
"Actually", says I, "it's better to say hippopotami
Though never double decker bi
Don't ask me why"...but he did ask me why
"Grammar" was my reply
Me Dad thought I was taking the piss
He said " Hey, leave me Mother out of this"
Grandma wasn't happy at me getting a new pet
"I haven't finished the gloves for your octopus yet"
She declares
"I've only knitted 4 pairs
(She wanted spares)
And what's more,
I'm knitting bootees for your Aunt
Well, not for her, for her ele phant
It's all such a palaver
That aardvark'll wait ages for his balaclava
I'm 82, me lad, and not a fast knitter
And I don't want to sound bitter
But keeping 5 large creatures in a bedsitter..
..Is not very mature
Considering the manure"