Insurance Claim with Humour

I was the Insurance Advisor/ Risk Manager for Newcastle City Council at Christmas 1980 when this claim came in

On Christmas Eve to our dismay
The dust cart knocked our gate away
The driver said he'd tried to park
But hit our gate 'cause it was dark
He scattered bricks both near and far
And blocked the entrance for the car
We really are in quite a stew
Because the wooden post went too
The driver was a helpful sort
And said the damage he'd report
Should we have the wall built new
And send the bill in, Sir, to you?
Or will you send some men to us
And have the wall built without fuss?
We hope prompt action you will take
And soon our garden wall remake!

As it was a requirement of my job, I naturally sought to wriggle out of it by sending this reply

It's a most unusual incident
This tale you send to me
I know that we're not perfect
We hit the occasional tree
A bus, perhaps, a van or two
Even market stalls
We've wrecked the odd 'Keep Left' sign

But rarely garden walls
You've lost your gate but not your style
I'd like to say "We'll pay"

But to admit liability
Our Insurers say "No way"

They like to take their time you see
With this kind of claim
It might not be our fault at all
Your wall might be to blame
We have to show this caution
We get the occasional gem
Our lorries get attacked sometimes
When walls leap out at them
Now you might think you've a strong case
But it may be turned down flat
You thought you had a good strong wall
Look what we did to that!

But seriously about your wall
It can't be any fun
So if you get your wall rebuilt
Justice will be done
I'm writing to our Insurers
To say your wall's a wreck
They might just send a poem
But I hope they send a cheque

Good enough the Insurers sent this response to the claimants

We've got your poetic claim
Similar claims have come our way
And happening on Christmas Eve
"Now there's a clue" we say

Around the offices up to now
Assurances have come
All of us left something
To warm up Santa's tum
These are the facts, so it's clear
Rudolph let him down
And didn't guide as he should
When Santa came to town
So our advice is send your claim
To the likeliest tormentor
We mean the one in Lapland
Not the Civic Centre!
But hang about, we've had a thought
It's pointless to pursue
Because like the dust carts, we insure
Santa's reindeer too
It's obvious we'll have to give
Consideration to this claim
So let's have some particulars
To work out who's to blame
We'd like an estimate to show
The cost of the repair
To enable us to decide
If the charge is fair

The claim was settled promptly

The lesson? Next time you need to make a claim, stay clear of those horrible ambulance chasing shiesters and conduct the claim yourself....in rhyme!!