Twelve Dames of Christmas

The Twelve Dames of Christmas Die Cut Decoupage produced by La Pashe are being offered at a very silly price here at Twelve Dames of Christmas Special Offer

Here's some poems wot I wrote which you may find suitable for cards you make with these fabulous sheets

A partridge in a pear tree.

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
A partridge in a pear tree
But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing
If you're anything like me

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Two turtle doves

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
Turtle doves, two, or if hungry, three
But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing
If you're anything like me

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Three French hens

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
French hens, not two but three
But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing
If you're anything like me

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Four calling birds

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I thought too of sending you some calling birds,
And as they're small, I thought four, rather than three
But you probably prefer turkey and stuffing
If you're anything like me

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Five golden rings

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
Five golden rings
But I expect a lady of your refinement
Has drawers full of those things

Suffice that I send Yuletide blessings
Do please enjoy the traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Six geese a-laying

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
Six geese a-laying, or oven ready, better yet,
But I know that turkey and stuffing
Is what you usually get

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Seven swans a-swimming

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
Seven swans a-swimming, in gravy or sauce,
But I expect you prefer turkey and stuffing
For your Christmas lunch main course

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Eight maids a-milking

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
Eight maids a-milking,
But all those uninvited strangers for dinner
Wouldn't suit you, I'm thinking

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Twelve Days of Christmas

Nine ladies dancing,

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

Sending you nine ladies dancing, I expect
Wouldn't be number one in your list of wishes
But howsabout nine ladies cooking Christmas dinner?
And then washing up all the dishes?

But just lazing around all Christmas Day
I expect wouldn't be your idea of heaven
Anyway, have a really super Yuletide
And all the best in Twenty Eleven

Twelve Days of Christmas

Ten lords a-leaping,

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I toyed with the idea of sending you
Ten lords a-leaping,
But all those uninvited strangers at Christmas
Just wouldn't be in keeping
(Would put a dent in the housekeeping)

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

**

Eleven pipers piping,

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I was going to send you eleven pipers piping,
But then I changed my mind
Sending uninvited strangers at Christmas
Just wouldn't be very kind

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

**

Twelve drummers drumming,

When I saw this image of sophistication
Chic, poised, elegant and well to do
Indeed, cultured, suave and stylish
I immediately thought of you

I thought of sending you twelve drummers drumming,
As a Christmas joke, but then
There's enough noise from over excited kids
Not to mention half sozzled men

Enjoy all that the Yuletide offers
Especially its traditional fare
And all the best to you and yours
Throughout the coming year

Wot Not To Put Down The Bog

I live in a street where the sewerage pipe blocks about twice a year and everyone on that sewerage run shares the cost of clearance each time. The drains were laid badly by the builder 30 years ago and no doubt over the years extra snagging points have developed. However the main cause of the problem is the putting down the toilet of inappropriate things. When the street was full of babies it would have been disposable nappies (diapers). The drain man on the recent clearance said what the main cause of the blockage was so I wrote this poem for all the residents

Men and Menopausal Women
Don't Carry The Can For Blocking The Pan


The drains are clear
So that's good news
When the drain man left
He expressed these views

"It's not all the natural stuff
That clogs and clings
It's the make-up wipes
And those sanitary things"

So, let's adopt The 3P's
It's a new discipline
If it's not pooh, pee or paper
It goes in the bin!

What Not To Put Down The Bog is copyright Jon Bratton 2010

Funeral Hymns for Anne, Mother, Nanna, Sister

These Funeral Hymns for Anne, Mother, Nanna, Sister have been suggested by Aunt Margaret

There are more suggested Funeral Hymns for Anne here






Funeral Hymns for Anne
28 May 08