Saturday, 24 November 2012

Definition of Assonance

Ever since 1983 when I saw the movie Educating Rita, my all time favorite film, I've been curious about the definition of Assonance. It didn't help that Michael Caine's character Prof Bryant in giving an example of assonance actually used a consonance. Nor did Julie Walter's character Rita help when she said assonance means "getting the rhyme wrong".
 You're probably thinking that I should get a life but to be fair I saw the movie 30 years ago and only this morning have I really tried to understand assonance. A few years back I read Stephen Fry's book An Ode Less Travelled and he covered partial rhymes, including assonance but I read it fueled by wine. I will read it again sober. Is it worth a read? you ask. Absolutely.  I couldn't fail to discourage you less.
As some will know I'm a rhymester rather than a poet but I have covered poetic devices before...
According to Wikipedia "Assonance is the repetition of vowel sounds to create internal rhyming within phrases or sentences, and together with alliteration and consonance serves as one of the building blocks of verse. For example, in the phrase "Do you like blue?", the /uː/ ("o"/"ou"/"ue" sound) is repeated within the sentence and is assonant." A fuller example could be "Do you use blue hue, too?"
After several hours pootling around the internet I now understand it, and like it. Here's some easy to understand examples

"It beats . . . as it sweeps . . . as it cleans!"  slogan for Hoover vacuum cleaners

She's ferocious
And she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
(Lyrics to 'Bette Davis Eyes')

 "I must confess that in my quest I felt depressed and restless."
(Thin Lizzy, "With Love")


”West Beast East Beast” by Dr. Seuss
Upon an island hard to reach,
The East Beast sits upon his beach.
Upon the west beach sits the West Beast.
Each beach beast thinks he's the best beast.
Which beast is best?...Well, I thought at first,
That the East was best and the West was worst.
Then I looked again from the west to the east
And I liked the beast on the east beach least.

I've even written my own example, which goes

Why am I inclined to blink my eye?
Why does champagne make me squawk?
"It's bolliphobia" said QI's Fry
You fear the popping cork
(Jon Bratton 2012)

(I made up bolliphobia because until now there hasn't been a word for what is a common fear because there are about 2 dozen cork popping fatalities a's more common than spider bites and that fear has always had its own name)
By the way, my favorite TV show is QI and my favorite celebrity is Stephen Fry so I'm hoping that one day Stephen will raise the subject of bolliphobia because it is Quite Interesting
Anyhoo, that's the  definition of assonance  for you

Friday, 23 November 2012

Funny Sex Poems

Doing market research for the Vaseline Company

A man knocked at the door

A woman, with three small children, answered

He asked “Have you used Vaseline before?”

“Yes” she said “We use it all the time.”

“If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what for?”

“We always use it for sex,” she said.

As she went to close the door

The researcher was a little taken aback. 

“People lie and say they use it after a child’s fall

Or for chapped lips or to lube a bicycle chain

But we know it’s used for sex, by almost all

 I admire your honesty and since you’ve been so frank 

Can you tell me exactly HOW you use it during a sex bout?”

She said, “My husband and I put it on the doorknob 

It helps to keep the kids out.”

Jon Bratton © 2012
(inspired by a joke by unknown author)


Thursday, 8 November 2012

Sexy Poem

Here's a sexy poem, wot I wrote

When a rancher died, his widow 

Was determined to make the ranch pay

There were two applicants for hired hand 

One a drunk, the other, gay

She hired the gay and was delighted

He was conscientious and worked like hell

And being very skilled, after a few short weeks

The ranch was doing well

The widow suggested her hired hand

Should have a night in town

When he returned the widow was relaxing

Wine glass in hand and hair let down

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she said.
"Now take off my boots. and now my socks,
And place them on my bed.”

"Now take off my skirt." slowly he unbuttoned it,
"Now my bra." It was low cut and wired
He was trembling,  as the widow barked
"If you wear my clothes again,  you're fired!"
What were you thinking? He was gay!