Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Goodbye Sad Poems, But Funny

Goodbye Sad Poems is a popular search, particularly for co-workers who are departing for pastures new, or retiring. I have written many such poems where the goodbye maybe sad but the poem is funny. These were written about very specific people but here I've taken all the generic material and welded it together to produce a poem to apply to anyone...with a sense of humour. If to a teetotaller, take out the verses about drink. It is intended to be read out loud by two people, the black type is good cop and the purple is bad cop

Today)(tonight), we have a change of style
It's a different kind of do
I've cut my eloquent, articulate, smooth and polished speech
That'll save an hour or two

We have for you a little ditty
A farewell and good luck quip
To say goodbye to our dear friend
As he departs this sinking ship

Yes a Co-worker is leaving
It's now sincerity time
To pay him a special tribute
By insulting him in rhyme

Co-workers leaving is always sad
A time for sorrow and grieving
But today we can be happy
Coz it's Charlie Smith that's leaving

I've heard about your ditties
I'm not sure I'm very keen
I just take poetic license
You take liberties, you mean

If you're going to insult my friend
I don't want any part
Oh (Mary)(Bill), don't make a fuss
I'll behave, cross my heart

OK, but no derogatory remarks
Did I not promise just now
No innuendoes or calling him names
Get on, yer silly cow

Alright, it's goodbye to a hard worker
It is a terrible pity
To lose such a staunch member of...
The Skivers and Shirkers Committee

We're saying goodbye to a learned colleague
Who knows that one over the eight is nine
We're bidding adieu to a man of spirit
Who's very fond of wine

We all like to socialise
With a drop of wine or beer
But to us, it's just a pastime
To Charlie, it's his career

Work is a mere distraction
As a respite, it's fine
Between yesterday's binge on beer
And today's excess of wine

Charlie's a very hard worker
Do you really think that's true?
If you tell Mr (Brown) Charlie's leaving
He'll say "Sorry, Charlie Who?

No I'm not having it
We can't treat a friend this way
OK, Clever Clogs
You think of something nice to say

You can always rely on Charlie
When you're in a desperate need
When things are bad but could get worse
They will, that's guaranteed

I remember when poor Charlie (lost that big order)(fell down the stairs) (whatever)
I felt sorry for him, more than a bit
It's something Charlie would like to forget
Yes, that's why I mentioned it

You couldn't have been more insulting
What have you got to say?
I'm very sorry...I'm very sorry
You made me throw all the best bits away

Charlie, take no notice of him
At least I'm on your side
This one here, couldn't have been more insulting
But believe me, Charlie, I tried

I'd like now to propose a toast
To bring this to an end
To Charlie, no longer a co-worker
But still a very dear friend

Jon Bratton 2009
but based on his earlier material

If you want more Goodbye Sad Poems...but funny, click the link
This 'Goodbye Sad Poems, but funny' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

Thursday, 23 April 2009

St Georges Day

Today is not only St Georges Day but...

Today is St George's and the Bard's Birth and Death day
Have the happiest of days
Just pondering...if he was born and died on the same day
How come he wrote so many flippin’ plays

Jon Bratton © 2007

This next one was written for a specific person…the name has been changed


James Drummond Justice Brown
You've reached the big Five 0
And still in shape, despite suppin ale
At 80 shillings a go ....

You occasionally spoil a good walk
Knocking a ball o'er dales and hills
And as a Tory with Healey eyebrows
You really need your acting skills

For Holidays you avoid the madding crowd
From Costa del Sol you'd run a mile
Preferring instead the Orient Express
Or an exotic Western Isle

You're a Noel Coward kind of chap
That's clear from the life you forge
And as a Taurus you share the destiny
Of the Bard and bold St George

Except you're not so much a writer
More a talker, it must be said
and you've never slain a dragon
.... you married her instead!

This was written for a competition. It didn’t win because after I had written it, I realised that the competition had been held the year previous

T'was just after Easter, I was wearing me bonnet
I sat down to write this Shakespearean sonnet
As an Imperial I ne'er shout of centimetres
Iambically speaking, know nowt of pentameters
This sonnet's to celebrate St George's Day
A rare opportunity for me to say
It's ironic, nay verily, more idiotic
That a Palestinian Turk makes me feel patriotic
At the next World Cup, may England prevail
At the Plymouth Arms, may this win me free ale
Jon Bratton © 2007

This is one of a series of silly ditties I wrote for the webpage you can reach by following the link below

Poem For Susan George

It's 23rd April
This card is sent to say
To the hard of hearing and dyslexics
Today's your special day

Jon Bratton © 2007

Click the Link
For more
St Georges Day Poems

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual

Posted by Picasa
Was Shakespeare Gay or Bisexual?
Look at the earlier portrait of Will and look at this newly discovered one.

Spot the difference?
For all purposes and intents
In the one he's a serious poet and dramatist
In the other, as camp as a row of tents

"In the early sonnets, Shakespeare writes about his great love, who happens to be a young man. While many people assume this to mean that he had a male lover and thus was either gay or bisexual there are others who still believe that his male friend was not his lover but someone who was simply very close to him emotionally "...to read more, click the link

Why is Shakespeare Known as The Bard

Why is Shakespeare known as The Bard is explained below in me poem but first know this.
23rd April is the birth date and death date of English poet and playwright William Shakespeare.
So, the most famous (possibly) Englishman was born and died on St Georges Day, the Patron Saint of England

"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them” from Twelfth Night by Shakespeare

William Shakespeare was born and died
On the very same day
Well, he didn’t last very long
I hear some of you say

If he really was born and died
On the very same day
He couldn’t have managed a sonnet
Never mind a 3 act play

Fortunately for us (but not for schoolchildren)
There was 52 years in between
The first 23rd April was in 1564
And the second in 1616

Most of his work was produced
In a 23 year frame of time
Nearly 40 plays and 150 odd sonnets
And poems that don’t even rhyme

Why is Shakespeare known as the Bard?
That's not a title he earns
For that title belongs to The Bard
Scotland's Robert Burns

Shakespeare is The Bard of Avon
That's the river in his town of birth
Bard just means poet
It's Welsh, for what it's worth

Jon Bratton 2009

For more, click the link
Why is Shakespeare known as the Bard or is it Rabbie Burns

This'Why is Shakespeare known as the Bard' blog entry is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

Monday, 20 April 2009

Queen Elizabeth II Birthday Poem

Queen Elizabeth II Birthday Poem
21st April 2009

Ma'am, or to use your Official Title,'Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' it behoves me as the Doggeret Laureate to write a little number for your 83rd Birthday. It goes like this

On this day 83 years ago, Lilibet was born
And it just couldn’t be foreseen
That one day the baby Princess
Would become our Queen

Her uncle would become the King
And have children of his own
And the eldest of those children
Would ascend to the throne

But Uncle Bertie abdicated
And her Dad as King was bound
When he died, Her Royal Highness The Princess Elizabeth
As our Queen was crowned

This is a birthday tribute, Your Majesty
It gives me much pleasure
To say happy 83rd birthday Ma’am,
Our Queen and National Treasure

Jon Bratton 2009

If you want more, click the link
Queen Elizabeth II Birthday Poem

This Queen Elizabeth's Birthday Poem is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Sorry Poems

Image from http://gleesongleanings.wordpress.com/2008/06/

I'm working on a new website http://www.poem-poetry.com/ and I needed to add a Sorry Poems page. Most people search for Sorry verses or poems when Apology verses or poems would be more appropriate
Here's some of the poems I came up with.

Lets make up and forget.
What I did, I regret

It was so stupid what I said
I didn’t mind my Qs and Ps
I’ve won the Foot in Mouth award
Forgive me please


If I was a blood splattered runaway lorry
I couldn't feel more sorry
If I was a serial love cheat like Ken or Deirdre from Corry
I couldn't feel more sorry
If I was a mud and slime filled, alligator infested quarry
I couldn't feel more sorry
That's how sorry I am

These light hearted poems are sorry (apology) poems for friends, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, husband,wife, boss, teacher etc to say I'm sorry I hurt you, I am sorry to risk our friendship, I am sorry I did or didn't do something. They are poems to apologise, they are not to say sorry for your loss or sorry you are leaving
This Sorry Poems blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poems may be used for private non commercial purposes but not for publishing on a website

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Story of Easter for Children

I wrote Story of Easter for Children because tomorrow is Maundy Thursday when the Queen gives Maundy Money to pensioners. Last Sunday was Palm Sunday and after tomorrow it's Good Friday and then there's Easter Sunday. Kids probably don't know anything other than it's an Eating Chocolate Fest so this is my poem explaining it in rhyme, for this blog of course but primarily as a contribution to the great new website www.history-for-kids.com

Do you know the story of Easter?
Of course you get Easter eggs so yummy
But Easter is about much more
Than just good things for your tummy

It is a Christian Church Festival
Held every Spring
About the death of Jesus...that's bad
And his coming to life again...Good Thing !

Palm Sunday is a week before Easter
It celebrates when Jesus rode into Jerusalem town
On a donkey, which walked over
All the coats that the people threw down

Story of Easter for Children

The people who didn’t have coats
Went to the fields where they found
Palm branches which they spread
All across the ground

These people knew that Jesus was special.
It was like when a King comes to town,
They didn’t have a red carpet
So they laid their coats, and branches down.

Story of Easter for Children

And to this day a donkey is special
Because it carried Jesus with care~
If you look at the back of a donkey
You’ll see a cross is still there

Next comes the day of the Last Supper
Maundy Thursday, when Judas was Jesus’ enemy
For silver money, he betrayed his friend
In the Garden of Gethsemane

Maundy means commandment
Jesus said at the Last Supper“I am your brother
As I have loved you
You must love one another”

The Queen of Britain gives money
Every Maundy Day
To people who are old
And no longer get any pay

Story of Easter for Children

The next day is Good Friday
The day Jesus was crucified
Two days later, on Easter Sunday he said
"I've come back...coz I've just un-died

He didn't stay long with his friends
He didn't die, but rather
He went straight up to Heaven
To join God, which art (who was) His Father

The word Easter comes from Eostre
The name of a Saxon godd-ess
Who found a little bird
In a little bit of a mess

The poor bird couldn't fly
It had lost more than a feather
So the goddess turned it into a hare
To survive the Winter weather

Story of Easter for Children

The hare found it could lay eggs
Which was a very strange thing
So it decorated the eggs and gave them
To the goddess every Spring

If you think that a hare laying eggs
Is so very funny
that's why we have Easter eggs
And of course, the Easter Bunny

Jon Bratton 2009

If you want more, click the link

Story of Easter for Children

This story of easter for children is copyright of Jon Bratton 2009

Easter Bunny Girl
Myspace Glitter Graphics

Short Easter Poems

As Easter is nearly upon us I thought I'd bring you some Short Easter poems...just when all your cards have already been sent for this year. I drafted this entry weeks ago and then got busy.This first one was for an Aunt who wanted to send a card to her 20 year old nephew and made a card with an Easter Bunny Girl on the front

You're too old for easter eggs and things
My handsome young nephew
But you're not too young for Easter 'chicks'
So I'm sending one to you

To put a Spring in your step

Jon Bratton 2009

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Chocolate is brown
Happy Easter to you

Short Easter Poems

Easter duck and Easter chick,
Easter eggs with chocolate thick.
Easter hats for one and all,
Easter bunny makes a call!
Happy Easter always brings
Such a lot of pleasant things!

Short easter Poems

Hello yellow
For chicks and daffodils
Playing, swaying in the Springtime breeze
Howdi brown,( not for trees)
But for Chocolate,chocolate...and more chocolate

This one is for that new breed of people
Child Rearing Grandparents

Mum (Mom) (and Dad) you know I (we) rely on you
Perhaps more than I (we) ought
But I (we) really do appreciate
All your love and support

Have a really lovely Easter
And may all your chocs be beauties
Have a nice long rest before resuming
Your childminding duties

Which I (we) hope you find rewarding
Not in money terms, as such
But knowing that I (we) and the children
Love you very much

Jon Bratton c 2006


Happy Norther
Happy Souther
Happy Wester

Got it !Happy Easter


Guess who's hop, hop, hopping your way?
To wish you a hap, hap, happy Holiday.
Loaded with goodies made just for you.
It's the Easter Bunny
That's who.

May your Easter be wrapped in happiness .....and tied with love

Want More? Click the Link
Short Easter Poems

This Short Easter Poems blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009
Non commercial use of the poems is OK but not for use on websites