Sunday, 24 May 2009

Newcastle United Premiership or Championship?

It's do or die today for the Toon Army. Newcastle United Premiership or Championship next season?

Hip Hip Hooray
Al's saved the day
He desorves every penny
Of his million quid pay
Now he's var nigh boond to stay
The dug oot's better than Match of the Day

Doom and Gloom
The toon is doon
Ah think ah'll sup some Newcie Broon
Then gan te bed till the next blue moon

For more, click the link
Newcastle United Premiership or Championship?

This Newcastle United Premiership or Championship? blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Thursday, 21 May 2009

Mother and Son Poem

This mother and son poem is a follow up to yesterday's poems about a student son using Father's Day to try to scrounge some money from his Dad. Today he tackles his mother

“Mom, I sent a Fathers Day card to Dad
But he didn’t help at all
I’m a little.., I’m ski.. I’m broke…, Mom
So I thought I’d give you a call”

“OK, sweetie,” says Mom
“The money is on its way
And I’ll send your economics book
Which you left, on your last stay”

“Uhh oh yeah Mom” says son
“Thanks, you really are a friend”
Dad comes home and asks his wife
“OK how much did you send”

"Two checks, one for 20, and the other for 1,000."
"That's 1020 dollars!!!" yelled Dad
"Don't worry hon," Mom said,
“Its really not that bad

I taped the $20 check to the book cover
But put the $1,000 one in between
The pages on Prudent Money Management
That’s in Chapter 15!"

Jon Bratton 2009

This mother and son poem is copyright Jon Bratton. It may be used for non commercial purposes

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Father's Day Verses Funny

This Father's Day Verses Funny blog entry is brought to you in the lead up to Fathers Day next month.
Based on a joke I read somewhere I have written this Fathers Day card poem from a student to his Dad containing sledge hammer subtlety

Dad, $chool i$ really great.
I’m $tudying very hard.
I want for little, well, sort of..
Except, perhaps, a ¢ard
I would love to receive something from you.
About home and Mom and $uch
I am making lot$ of friend$
But I mi$$ you very much
The only reason I made thi$ ¢ard
Is becau$e I want to $ay
You mean $o very much to me
Have a $uper Father’$ Day

Your Loving, Hard up $logger $on.

Image from

The wise father replied

Dear Son,
Your sincere speech did NOt go unNOticed
But it came as NO surprise
And the subtletness of your message
Did NOt escape my teary eyes

I do kNOw that the study of ecoNOmics,
Is to you, interesting stuff
The pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task,
And you can never kNOw eNOugh.

I wrote to my Dad
When I was away at college
My Dad let me kNOw the meaning of NO
And I pass on to you that kNOwledge

Jon Bratton 2009

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Fathers Day Poems Funny

Image from

Fathers Day is just a month away
So here's a little ditty

On this Father’s Day, Dad

I hope you are well
Pin back your lug holes
I’ve a story to tell

A lumberjack raised the money
For his son‘s education, he planned
By cutting down trees
Laboriously, by hand

The son bought his father a chain saw
“This will make life easier, Pater”
Then he went off to college
Returning 3 months later

The father had indeed used the saw
But he was now on his knees
He had worked much harder
And had cut down less trees

The son was disappointed
At what he had heard and seen
So he checked the oil and gas
On the chain saw machine

He pulled on the cord
The chain saw roared into action
The son was surprised
At his father’s reaction

His father got a shock
He grabbed his son’s jacket

For your Father’s Day present
I thought long and hard
But you’ll understand now
Why I just got you this card

Happy Father’s Day

Jon Bratton 2009

For more, click the link
Fathers Day Poems Funny

This 'Fathers Day Poems Funny' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton but poem may be used for non commercial purposes

Monday, 11 May 2009

How long do you cook turkey breast

How long do you cook turkey breast is a question asked on the internet about 700,000 times per year so this is a perfect subject for a search engine tart like me to address, so here goes

Roast at 350 degrees for 20 minutes per pound
Should produce meat that will please
But for perfection, use a food thermometer
And cook till the temperature reaches 170 degrees.

Jon Bratton 2009

The best thing to do is cook to temperature. Get a probe thermometer and cook until it reaches 165-175 degrees. It is really hard to tell someone how long to cook a piece of meat because every piece of meat is different and every oven is different and conditions vary. All of these factors contribute to cooking by time being unreliable. Everyone should have a probe thermometer not just for good cooking but for safe cooking

If you want to know more, click the link
How Long Do You Cook Turkey Breast

Cook a Steak and How Long

Cook a steak and how long?
Is a question asked by 500 people each day
2 to 5 minutes each side
That's it...there's not much more to say
Except this, if 2 minutes, rest it for 5
And if 5 minutes, rest it for 2
Give it 20 minutes if you want it cremated
And show it a match if you want it blue

Jon Bratton 2009

How Long Do You Cook a Medium Steak

This is my guide to steak cooking times. They can only be a guide as it depends on the thickness of the steak. I have based these on a steak that is approximately 2.5cm or 1 inch thick.

Rare: 1-2 minutes per side - rest for 6-8 minutes
Medium rare: 2-2.5 minutes per side - rest for 5 minutes
Medium: 4 minutes per side - rest for 4 minutes
Well done: 5.5 minutes per side - rest for 1 minute
Thicker steaks may require a longer cooking time, and shorter for thinner steaks.

To know more, clink the link

Friday, 8 May 2009

What Does The USA Flag Colors Represent?

What does the USA flag colors represent?
What do the colors signify?
The American flag is red, white and blue
The question oft asked is why

It's almost an obsessive question
What do the colors mean?
Nothing, they're merely the colors
That on the British Union Jack, are seen

The red is from England's St George's Cross
And Ireland's St Patrick's Cross too
And St Andrew's Cross of Scotland
Gives us the blue

Meanings have been ascribed to the colors
In the Great Seal, used for security
The blue is justice, red is valor
And the white means purity

But to the question, the flag colors
Mean, signify, symbolize what?
The answer is nothing, nada, zip
Zilch, diddly squat

Jon Bratton 2009

To learn more, click the link

This 'What Does The USA Flag Colors Represent' blog entry is copyright Jon Bratton 2009

Thursday, 7 May 2009

American Flag History for Kids

American Flag History for Kids, unlikely as it seems, is a popular search term and it just screamed out for a poem to be written. The job befell me, though I don't claim to be a vexillologist. But first here's the first stanza of the US National Anthem, The Star Spangled Banner (meaning star covered banner)

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Here's another little ditty, from where I know not

I love my flag, my country's flag
The red and white and blue.
It has broad stripes and fifty stars,
And stands for freedom, too.

Now here's me poem

The flag of the United States
Is red, white and blue
It has 13 stripes and 50 stars
But this wasn't always true

For its first year as a Nation
USA had no flag at all
Then it got one with 13 stars
Set out in a circle, like a ball

The first official national flag
According to the story
Was approved on June 14, 1777
And nicknamed “Old Glory”

The claim of Betsy Ross is that she
Made, with her own hands, the first flag
If that is true, and it seems to be
She was entitled to brag

In 1795, the number of stars and stripes
Was increased by two
Vermont and Kentucky joined the union
And wanted to be given their due

When more joined, the stars increased
But the stripes reduced back
To represent the 13 colonies
That gave Britain the sack

Two overseas states, Hawaii and Alaska
Were added from afars
So now the Stars and Stripes
Has a total of 50 stars

Jon Bratton 2009

Here's another..the lyrics to a song

Said Washington to Betsy Ross, "A flag our nation needs
To lead our valiant soldiers on to high and noble deeds
Now can you make one for us, to which she made reply,
"I am not certain if I can; At least I'll gladly try."

So she took some red for the blood they shed
Some white for purity,
Some stars so bright from the sky overhead
Some blue for loyalty,
And sewed them all together,
For loyal hearts and true,
And hand in hand as one we stand
For the red, the white and the blue.

Said Betsy Ross to Washington, "Your country's flag behold!"
And through his tear-dimmed eyes he saw the stars and stripes unfold.
Then to his breast he clasped it, and looked to heaven above.
"Oh may it ever stand," he cried, "For rights and truth and love."

Finally, here's a lovely piece
A Toast to the Flag" by John Jay Daly, c.1918

Here's to the red of it;
There's not a thread of it —
No nor a shred of it —
In all the spread of it,
From foot to head,
But heroes bled for it,
Faced steel and lead for it —
Precious blood shed for it,
Bathing it red.

Here's to the white of it;
Thrilled by the sight of it,
Who knows the right of it
But has felt the might of it
Through day and night?
Womanhood's care for it
Made manhood dare for it;
Purity's prayer for it
Kept it so white

Here's to the blue of it,
Heavenly view of it,
Star spangled hue of it,
Honesty's due of it,
Constant and true;
Here's to the whole of it —
Stars, stripes and pole of it —
Here's to the soul of it,
Red white and blue.

If you want to know more, click the link
American Flag History for Kids

This 'American Flag History for Kids' blog page is copyright Jon Bratton 2009. The poem may be used for non commercial purposes

Dinosaurs for Kids

Dinosaurs for kids is a fairly popular search term. Some of you will know that I am assisting Paul Perro with his lovely and I am quoting here a portion of his longer poem on the subject of 'Dinosaurs for Kids'

There was a type of creature called a dinosaur.
Which you do not see any more.
They lived in a prehistoric time,
I’ll tell you about them in this rhyme.

Dinosaurs had tiny brains
But they had ginormous names.
Like triceratops, brontosaurus,
Velociraptor and OhDon'tBoreUs

The tyrannosaurus rex
Was scary, one suspects.
It had lots of big sharp teeth,
And a *ROAR* that just defied belief.

How I wish that I could get
A dinosaur to be my pet.
I would take him into school one day
And everyone would run away.

This will never happen, I realize
For long ago they met their demise.
Fossils are all that are left, it seems,
You can sometimes see them in museums.

This post is a test to see how well or how badly it fares in the Google search engine results page. Paul Perro's webpage is well search engine optimised and yet does not feature on the first ten pages, I suspect because it is a new website and its in Google's so called sandbox. A blog page usually does much better. I'll report back

Click the link for more
Dinosaurs for Kids and other history poems