This Royal Wedding Poem is a departure for me because, as you regular readers know, I am a search engine tart, that's to say if people around the World aren't searching for such a subject, in huge numbers, then I ain't writing about it.
And yet here am I doing that very thing...because, shame on Britain, they are not searching in significant numbers. Wills and Kate getting married...Diana's eldest son...Going to be King!!!!...wake up Britain
( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the Universe
A nice lady found me on Facebook... and asked if I still did personalised poems, which I don't BUT I admired that she tracked me down, it was at a time when I must have been lusting (but didn't know I was) to write in response to personal details and to cut a long story long I agreed to write something for her, for nothing,..and here for you is what I didn't write. What I did write is between me and her and I told her I would publish what I wrote but does she want it blurted out this soon. Probably not, so stay stum
This is on the lines of what I did write...but altered to protect privacy. If you are a best man or a father of the bride or the groom or a best woman for a wedding taking place on 29th April 2011, deliberately, or coincidentally, chosen to coincide with Will's and Kate's wedding, you are welcome to use this material... but, for God's sake, just don't be involved in a Wiltshire wedding
Here's, the generic version of what I wrote
The Westminster Pair and our (Ealing) (chavs and slappers)
Have in common, quite a lot
Three of them’s quite common
And one of them is not
One has special breeding
And boy does it show
Today (Vera) is the princess
But then I’m biased, don’t you know
As (Vera)’s old time friend, I’m Best Woman
I’m nervous, it’s my first time
(At making a speech, you naughty people)
So I’m reading out my little speech
And I’m doing it in rhyme
I’m calling for audience participation
Especially from the drunks out there
When you hear an obvious repeat line (I’ll give you a clue) Emphasise the ‘ate’ sound
Perhaps you’ll give a little cheer
Or, if you’re really, really up for it
Even better, it would certainly be
If you would anticipate, and recite, the line
Right along with me
( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem. I know not why but I'll probably do it again before this post is done. I'll be guided by Google who will eventually rule the Universe
So, here goes:-
Today's a very special day
Isn’t Britain Great?
We've all been given the day off
And… all the pubs are open late (cheers)
For today’s (handsome) (alcoholic) Groom, (Jack),
It’s a double celebration date
His wedding’s good but what floats his boat
Is that… the pubs are open late (cheers)
The whole Country's gone ballistic
There's bunting everywhere
There's gun salutes and cheering
Which is surprising for a (Liverpudlian) pair
Everyone is celebrating
Drinking booze by the crate
Because (Vera)’s finally pinned down (Jack)
And..also
(pause and the audience who will shout 'All the pubs are open late' Then read the actual line
No…Prince William married Kate
Here's to two very happy brides
The beautiful (Vera) and Kate
It's not just the wedding day they have in common
Can you guess?... (audience will say the pubs are open late)
No...It’s a very long and patient wait
Aren’t I a provocative f…f ..female?
Both brides met their future husbands
(10 years ago) (5 years ago) ( A while ago), both by pure chance
Both women had to tolerate
A (longer-than-ideally-planned)…romance or
A(longer-than-necessary-because-he's-such-a-woosy-typically-blokey-blokey-bollocky-non-makey-mindy-up-sitty-on-the-fence-dip-stick-sort-of-bloke)romance
On the whole, (Vera)’s demeanour
Has been surprisingly bright and breezy
Telling folks you’re courting a (Teddy Bear) (Everton supporter) (Welsh twit) (Geordie)
Really can’t be easy
During (Jack) and (Vera’s) protracted courtship
(They managed (twice) to propagate)
(They failed to propagate)
It would have (been more) (happened), but for (Jack)’s excuse
All the pubs are open late
(Beautiful (Sophie) and baby (James)
Are the results we see today
Now that (Vera)’s finger’s got a ring on it
Perhaps more are on the way
I must say the wedding so far has been very good
We’ve been watered and we’ve ate
We can look forward to this evening
Cos…( the pubs are) (the hotel bar is) open late
So, to recap…
In the spring of twenty eleven, (Jack) a (rock star ) (plonker) (wonderfully best bloke in t‘World))
Took (Vera) his (children's mummy ) (sweetheart) (soul mate) for his wife
Good luck you whirlwind romantics
Have a long and happy life
In a moment, we'll raise our glasses
To (Jack), and (Vera), his wife, and my bessie mate
And I'll remind you of this repeatedly happy thought
All the pubs are open late
Toast (Jack) and (Vera)
And to finish off, here’s an out-take from this ditty
Optional extra
Right now, my dance card’s empty
Book now, you won’t have long to wait
You’ll not know what hit you on the dance floor
No, shut up, its not the bloody pubs are open late
It’s…
My husband’s six foot eight
Thank You
Tumultuous Applause, please
**
Here's a poem by Sir Andrew Motion, the Poet Laureate, entitled Spring Wedding marking the wedding of Will's Dad to Camilla Parker Bowles . Note, he has not written about Will's and Kate's wedding...perhaps I should be the Doggerelist Laureate and when Will is King I think I will be...dead
Spring Wedding
I took your news outdoors, and strolled a while
In silence on my square of garden-ground
Where I could dim the roar of arguments,
Ignore the scandal-flywheel whirring round,
And hear instead the green fuse in the flower
Ignite, the breeze stretch out a shadow-hand
To ruffle blossom on its sticking points,
The blackbirds sing, and singing take their stand.
I took your news outdoors, and found the Spring
Had honoured all its promises to start
Disclosing how the principles of earth
Can make a common purpose with the heart.
The heart which slips and sidles like a stream
Weighed down by winter-wreckage near its source -
But given time, and come the clearing rain,
Breaks loose to revel in its proper course.
( I'm required to say again Royal Wedding Poem.
Royal Wedding Poem elsewhere
