Monday, 15 October 2012

Valentine Poems They're Not

If you google ...washington post rhyme competition ... you'll get loads of websites telling you about a competition that the Washington Post ran a few years back and you'll see the 11 entries that get quoted on websites and in those emails that keep circulating round. Basically the competition was to come up with a very romantic first line and a very unromantic second line
I don't want to quote any of the entries here because Google will think this is just another 'me too' so here to illustrate is one that I just made up

I look into your eyes and see a love that’s true

Her name is Veronica. She’s why I’m leaving you

You get the idea. Try it yourself, it's fun. Anyway I got to thinking, could I do the same, but using first lines from William Shakespeare...who is more romantic than the Bard himself?

Here's what I came up with...forgive the slightly colourful language, which I use only in a way that Big Willy himself might have done

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's day?

Last Tuesday, for instance, wet, windy, cloudy and grey

Who taught thee how to make me love thee more
Sack him, for he’s failed miserably, that’s for sure

Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,

With the emphasis on sweet...I’m leaving you tomorrow

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks 

Your morning face gives me the colliwobble shakes

If I could write the beauty of your eyes 

I’d just be telling whopping lies

Your eyes are lode-stars; and your tongue's sweet air

But your breath stinks and you’re shaped like a pear

The sweet silent hours of marriage joys

Are ruined by the noise of your vibrating toys

You are a lover; borrow Cupid's wings,

And piss off, I’ve packed all your things

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo
I’m offsky with a wrangler from the rodeo
( try rhyming with Romeo!)

Valentine Poems they're not! 

But will they make it on to one of those circulating email thingys?

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