Poetry on Tap

Poetry on tap is coming but first have a look and listen to Over the Rainbow by Patti Labelle and the Bluebelles

Now contrast it with this version of Over the Rainbow by Patti Labelle without the Bluebelles. Bring back the Bluebelles I say.

If you want more, here's more links but I wouldn't bother unless you want to see Patti's different hairstyles

over rainbow patti labelle bluebelles 1

over rainbow patti labelle bluebelles 2

over rainbow patti labelle bluebelles 3

During my expat days I dressed up in womens clothing more often than I thought I would but people kept asking me to do it. One such ask was to host the finale of a childrens tap dancing school show...in which Over the Rainbow featured...a tenuous link, I know, between this subject which is well searched and little accomodated and my script as a dance show compere.

The kids had been told someone very special was going to appear and the rumour quickly spread that it was Roy Castle
So as not to disappoint I dressed up in womens clothes, with balloons up me frock and two pins in me hands and walked out after the finale to speak to the audience which exclusively comprised the kids parents and siblings

Resplendent in a dress I delivered this address

Get off, get off, you horrible lot
Now it's my chance
Do you know Moms, Mums and Dads they wouldn't let me sing
And they wouldn't let me dance

I'm very good at dancing you know
And I'm ever so keen
But they wouldn't let me
Cos they're soooo mean

It's cos they're jealous, I'm more mature
I've got things in me vest
I'm a sophisticated lady
( balloons popped)

O'er what's happened to me chest?

Anyway, even if I wasn't in the show
I don't care
Cos I thought the show was horrible
So there

F'instance, two girls that were really hopeless
I'm very glad to say
Were Linda and Karla
In Anchors Away
Come on down girls and take your bow
Of course I was bored
Moms, Mums and Dads, if you thought they were really boring
Don't applaud

The next bit was even worser
With all them silly Gene Kellys
If you were singing in the rain
You should have worn your wellies
Getting wet were Mary, Jemima, Julia
Abigail, Susie and Danielle
Laura, Liza and Catherine S

Oh and Sarah B as well
Come on down girls and take your bow
Your dancing was like the weather
Moms, Mums and Dads, if you thought they were a load of drips
Don't put your hands together

Bye Bye Blues was next
That put me in a rotten mood
Two girls who couldn't dance for toffy
Were Sarah and Christine Oud

Come on down girls and take your bow
Your dancing should be banned
Moms, Mums and Dads, if you thought they were rotten
Don't give them a hand

Shiela N did it again in Desdemona
I could have done it betterer than you
Moms, Mums and Dads if you didn't like her jazz
Give her a nice loud Boo

Clara B and Pam C's dancing
Made me shed a tear
They ought to be somewhere Over the Raindow
Anywhere but here
Come on down Clara and Pam and take your bow
Your dancing give the chance for a nap
Moms, Mums and Dads if you thought Clara and Pam were hopeless
Don't give them a clap

42nd Street was rotten
And I hated St Louis Blues
And Julia S and Laura B had no rythm
They should have worn tap shoes

It Don't Mean a Thing featured Catherine

What an awful sight to see
It was a good title though
Cos it didn'y mean a thing to me
Come on down Catherine, take your bow
Your dancing never got off the ground
Moms, Mums and Dads, if you thought Catherine was yukky
Don't make a clapping sound

All the boys wouldn't let me dance as well
Now it's my turn to get even

With Jack, Joseph, Sam and Niell
Darren and Harry and Stephen
Come on down boys and take your bow
Do you know, you've all got knobbly knees
Moms, Mums and Dads, if you thought New York, New York was horrible
No clapping if you please

Well, I've got to admit the Moms, Mums and Dads like you
But just you wait and see
Moms, Mums and Dads show them all
What you think of me

Oh I think I've got it all wrong
I think I'm beginning to see
If I am nice to all of you
Will you be nice to me?

Oh look there's still four little ones left
These four did ever so well
Moms, Mums and Dads, please give a hand to
Jemima, Christine, Judie and Christabel

I hope you all forgive me
For being rude, I'm sorry

Now it's time for all of us to say

Hip, Hip, Hooray for Dorry

Come on Dorry

On behalf of all the children

And all the parents too
You gave us such a lovely show
We've got some things for you

Where's the flower arrangement
And bring the pressie in
These are for you from all of us
Everyone chipped in
Dorry you did a marvelous job
It was a really super show
Moms, Mums, Dads, Boys and Girls
Let's hear it for the Maestro

Now I don't want to harp on but Patti Labelle deserves another chance. Click on the link and listen to her all the way through and I think like me you'll become a fan

Childrens Nursery Songs

This image came from http://www.kids-duvets.co.uk/ well worth a visit

Childrens nursery songs could be lullabies, nursery rhymes put to music...although some create their own music...try saying Jack and Jill and you can't help singing it, bus songs or specially written nursery songs such as those by J W Elliot who churned out lots in Victorian times
In a moment you can read the best of all Childrens Nursery Songs that I made up as a lullaby for my kids which I had to sing twice nightly at least, once at least to my son and once at least to my daughter, for several years until they were old enough to realise that their daddy couldn't sing. (Forgive that moment of immodesty at the beginning of this paragraph but it was so that I could use the plural Childrens nursery songs since that is the search term I'm chasing. And it wasn't false modesty at the end of the paragraph because I am indeed a lousy singer)

I said made up rather than wrote because until recently it never was written down..I just made it up as I went along singing to the tune of Edelweiss for the beginning and end bit and Mary's Boy Child for the middle chunk. That sounds like a plan but it just emerged..I started with one tune and drifted unknowingly into another. It was many years later before I figured out which tunes I was singing. Anyway I can recommend these two tunes...they're very effective as lullabies

More Childrens Nursery Songs here and here

Special Lullaby

(This first bit to the tune of Edelweiss)

Close your eyes, close your eyes

You'll get a nice sur-prise

You won't have long to wait

Until you reach the wooden gate

That leads into the garden

The Garden of All Dreams

No, you won't have long to wait

Until you have your dreams

(now switch to Mary's Boy Child)

In the Garden of All Dreams

There's lots of girls and boys

And you can play and share with them

All your cuddly toys

In the Garden of All Dreams

You'll have a lovely time

For you can play with all your friends

From your Nursery Rhymes

Look there's little Jack and Jill

And Humpty Dumpty too

And Mary with her litle lamb

And Little Boy Blue

In the Garden of All Dreams

There's lollipops on trees

And animals and little birds

Playing in the breeze

In the Garden of All Dreams

You can watch the flowers grow

With silver bells and cockle shells

And pretty maids in a row

(back to Edelweiss)

Close your eyes, close your eyes

You'll get a nice sur-prise

You won't have long to wait

Until you reach the wooden gate

That leads into the garden

The Garden of All Dreams

No, you won't have long to wait

Until.....you have.....your dreams

Jon Bratton © 1977 Dedicated to Gary and Lesley

This is free for you to use (please tell me if it worked for you), and indeed record, but if you make any money you'll have to pay royalties, per the industry norm to the copyright holder Jon Bratton

Return to the top of Childrens Nursery Songs

Mixed Doubles Badminton Awards

Talking of Awards...
Where did the name Emmy Awards come from?

I bet you, like me, have wondered where the name Emmy Awards came from. Well, we are not alone, for thousands do it every day and put the question to Google and Yahoo. Emmies are the TV equivalent of the Film Industry’s Oscars.

Now I bet you, like me, have also wondered where the name Oscar came from. Yet strangely, asking for the origin of the name Oscar is a rare search term…how bizarre

The Emmy answer is straight forward. Quite simply, the statuette is a female (winged woman triumphantly holding up the universal symbol of the electron) and Emmy is a gentler sounding name, more feminine than Immy which was the short name used by TV engineers for the image orthicon camera tube
As for Oscar the best bet is that Academy librarian (and later executive director,) Margaret Herrick, upon seeing the statuette exclaimed "it looks just like my Uncle Oscar!" Or was it actress and two-time Academy Award winner Bette Davis, who reportedly named it after her ex-husband, Harmon Oscar Nelson, Jr. or was it from "Will you have a cigar, Oscar?", an old music hall joke.
In the early thirties it was being used by some film celebrities and by 1939 the Academy itself was using the name officially.

To return to top
http://poetry-verses.blogspot.com/2008/12/did-name-emmy-awards-come-from.html

Now, on the general subject of Awards I was, while an expat in the Middle East, involved in a mixed doubles badminton tournament which took place over many weeks. At the end of it, all participants were awarded a certificate on which was a short verse, written by me, summarising their performance. This is the collection of all the verses which I read out at the Award Ceremony which some called the Sweaties. In years to come many will be asking Google ‘where did the name Sweaty Awards come from’. You heard it here first

The winners were, of course, Big Hugh
He’s the one with the sweaty face
And Ivonne, she’s the best groomed player
With not a hair out of place

And then we have the runners up
Who did a first class job
Mr and Mrs Consistency
There names are Anne and Bob

Mike and Gill in third place
Proved they're not yet o'er the hill
Mike might have won with a pint or two
Instead of just a Gill

In fourth, we saw big Stevie
Drowning in his sweat
And Liz, who's very big up front
A killer at the net

Next came the lean and mean John H

Who harkened to Nan's plea
But despite their noble efforts
Most matches went to three

And then there's Annie C
Who really knows her stuff
And Peter who likes to tickle it
But sometimes not enough

In seventh place, Chris M

Whose game is slick and grooved
And Susie Stretchy Long Legs
The player most improved

Madeleine M played her heart out
With fitness and agility
While Jon possessed a will to win
That exceeded his ability

(While Jon was absolutely magnificent
But always showed humility)

Mae T played a steady game
As solid as a rock
While George was swiping everything
Except the shuttlecock

Next Tom B, the typical Scotsman
Whose shots were very mean
Partnered by Di W
The well known Drop Shot Queen

Then Kate, the "Frilly Knickers" Queen
Whose reign was rather short
Accompanied as she was by Niall
The jester of the court

And finally
There's Colin M
Who alas was forced to quit
When both his lady partners
Were declared medically unfit

This collection of verses come courtesy of ‘Where Did The Name Emmy Awards Come From’

Fuelled by Beer and Wine

This is the continuing story of Dick and Mary. But first let me tell you who invented the Snickers candy bar because every day thousands of people ask this of the search engines.

And so they came to the Middle East. In 1979. Since then they've churned out babies
Fuelled by beer and wine

The Who who invented the Snickers candy bar was Frank Mars

Frank and Ethel Mars built a candy company in Tacoma, Washington in 1911. It became Mars Inc. In 1923 Milky Way chocolate/nougat bar was born and in 1930 the Snickers Candy Bar was invented, named after a favourite Mars family horse.

It consists of peanut butter nougat topped with roasted peanuts and caramel, covered with milk chocolate. Snickers Candy Bar is the best selling chocolate bar of all time and has annual global sales of US $2 billion.

It was called Marathon in the UK for reasons which are far from obvious and in 1990 Mars hugely increased the popularity of the product in the UK by doing what?....changing its name to the highly successful one of the previous 60 years, Snickers

Deep Fried Snickers Candy Bars are available in the US as are the more famous deep fried Mars Bars, a product born in Scotland. It is said to have been invented in the Haven Chip Bar in Stonehaven near Aberdeen on Scotland's North-East coast, in 1995.

http://poetry-verses.blogspot.com/2008/12/invented-snickers-candy-bar.html has now done its job

And talking of bars it's where we pick up Dick

Chris Barton tells a story
That's pertinent tonight
About an Airport lay over
While on a returning flight

The Airport was really grotty
You can probably guess where
Yeah knowing tight fist Barton
He'd be flying Eg-pt Air

That's right he was in Ca-ro Airport
As you know, that's no joke
And there among the squalor
He spied a cloud of smoke

Having nothing else at all to do
And with six hours to wait
He headed for the cloud of smoke
To investigate

Now this cloud of smoke was sitting
Slouched against the bar
And so to be sociable
Chris said "Are you going far?"

"All the way" replied the smoke
Then ordered another drink
"What's your name?" Chris asked the smoke
It answered "Dick...I think"

They both smoked like chimneys
They occasionally had a pee
And they got to know each other
Over a drink or three

They sustained themseves with Snickers candy bars
They were in for a Marathon bout
They probaby wondered who invented them
Chris would guess it was Mars, no doubt

They got totally plastered
They had a laugh and cracked a joke
Happy as pigs in Israel
Cucooned in their smoke

It was while discussing money (That's what expats do)
And toasting Arab oil
A thought came into Chris's head
Would Dick be good for soil?

Chris didn't really know Dick then
In that terminal lounge
But now he knew Dick was in Landscaping
He'd be handy for a scrounge

Dick's always facing scroungers
From near and from far
Even a perfect stranger
In a foreign bar

Plants, flowers, soil
Even fertiliser...Dick deals in it
What's new? Everyone in this place
Has to handle sh-t

This ditty is brought to you courtesy of Who Invented the Snickers Candy Bar

OK, Dick has had the lion's share
Of insults tonight
Let's have a go at Mary
It would be only right

Does Mary like to take a drink?
Was Hitler fond of war?
At the '81 Burns Night
She was flat out on the floor

It was on that particular night
When she'd had more than a dram
She said in her defense "Am no so drink
As tinkle peep I am"

Burns Night is reserved for Scots
But do they invite Dick?

Yeah, they need a token Englishman
They need someone to kick

Yes Mary's often on the floor

But to be absolutely fair
It's not always her fault
Sometimes it's the chair

Ah yes, we discussed the Salisbury's leaving
At the Am dram theatre meeting
On the one hand, we lose Dick's flowers
But on the other, we save on seating

So you're saying Mary likes to drink
Yes she does and how
Look at her head..there's the proof
She's even plastered now

(Mary was actually heavily bandaged, after a fall)

I'm told that our Mary
Likes the Cambridge Diet
How would she know? she's always pregnant
She's got no time to try it

This ditty is brought to you courtesy of Who Invented the Snickers Candy Bar

Let's return to Dick
I've heard to Cyprus he's not averse
Well, he hardly knows the place
But he knows every single nurse!

I don't exactly understand
What you just said

Well, Dick went to Cyprus
And spent the whole time in bed

You see for most who go on holiday
It's the hotel cost that kills
Dick books into hospitals
The Company pays all the bills

Nine long years they've been living here
No wonder Dick's a wreck
I've heard he's got an enormous one

Yes an enormous final cheque

Right, this is verse 76
Let's end this rhyme
Because yes folks, you've guessed

It's pressie giving time

This ditty was brought to you courtesy of Who Invented the Snickers Candy Bar

Those of you who would like to read the entire poem without the Search Engine quirks can do so here

If We Cantaloupe Lettuce Marry

"If We Cantaloupe Lettuce Marry, Mary"
Said Dick, pursing his tulips
My fuchsia lies with you, my love
What a pear we'll make " she quips

This is a trailer to the continuing rhyme of horticulturist Dick but first, this

Where was Peter Rabbit Forbidden to Play?

Thousands of you ask Google every day
Where was Peter Rabbit forbidden to play
In Mr McGregor's garden... that's where
And why? Coz his mother didn't think it fair
That on Mr McGregor's veggies Peter ate his fill
And made himself so very ill
He got trapped in netting but then got free
He was sent to bed with just some camomile tea

http://poetry-verses.blogspot.com/2008/12/where-was-peter-rabbit-forbidden-to.html

Now, Mr McGregor was a veggie raising horticulturist, like Dick who, you'll recall, had decided to take his beanstalk growing skills elsewhere in the World


Having come to a decision
This is what he planned
He'd tell all his workmates
In terms they'd understand

"I'll till it like it is" he said
"From acorns, oak trees grow
Now I can see the wood for trees
Its thyme for me to go

With fronds like you, who needs anemonies" he joked
I'm growing stale and getting bored
I just can't get myself mowtivated
Like a bean, I must be abroad

I spend all day with tomatoes
And every night with a Swede

I think I'm beginning to vegetate
I think I'm going to seed

I really cannot stay men
Of that there is no doubt
I need to pull my roots up
It's time that I branched out

I'm in the flower of my youth
I'm ripe and in full petal

I must make hay while the sun shines
It's time to grasp the nettle

It's time to leave this vegetable patch
It's fallow ground to me
I need to find some growing space
I'm pot bound, don't you see

I'm becoming a little jaded
Off the boil, going sour
It's just not true that jaded brains
Make a finer flower

Now I'm no shrinking violet
But I've had my seeds of doubt
But now I'm very glad to say
They've all bean weeded out

It's thyme for me to pith off
And theek pathtures new
And now I take my leaf of you
Goodbye,
Tara,
Adieu

In his quiet moments of contemplation
Dick would probably be heard to say
"I've often wondered where Peter Rabbit
Was forbidden to play"

Mary having preseeded him

He packs his trunk and leaves his room
His destination the Middle East
To make the desert bloom

Dick followed the path of his namesake
Richard the Lionheart
And set off for the Holy Land
With a kiss from his Swedish tart

With Dick and Mary now world's apart
They didn't meet for a while
And then they got together
On their Jersey Isle

That's when they finally tied the knot
It had to happen sooner or later
And besides, Wanda had run off
With the local museum curator

To be continued....

This chapter was brought to you courtesy of Where was Peter Rabbit Forbidden to Play

What was the Rabbits Name in Alice in Wonderland?

What was the Rabbits Name in Alice in Wonderland? Have you ever wondered that? No, neither have I but, apparently, thousands of people everyday ask Google to name the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. Why?
Few seem interested in knowing the name of the Mouse or Dormouse or the Dodo or the Mad Hatter or the Cheshire Cat or the March Hare
Lewis Carroll is documented as being very interested in logic so it isn't by chance that he gave none of the characters in Wonderland a proper forename...except the Rabbit's housemaid...Mary Ann.. but he did name the characters from the real World...Alice of course and her cat Dinah but not Alice's sister. Wence logical?
So how did it come to be written?
En route to a picnic, 10-year-old Alice Liddell asked Charles Dodgson, a family friend (pen name, Lewis Carroll) to entertain her and her sisters, with a story. Dodgson spoke of a girl, named Alice, and her adventures after she fell into a rabbit hole. The story had been told to the sisters before, but this time Alice asked Dodgson to write it down for her. He promised and he did, calling it Alice's Adventures Under Ground
After another set of children loved it, Dodgson sought a publisher. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland was published in 1865 and a second book, Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, followed in 1871.
So what could the Rabbits name in Alice in Wonderland be? Well, per a pet name website, great names for a white rabbit are Alaska, Arctic, Blanca, Blanche, Blanco, Casper, Chalkie, Coconut, Cotton, Elmer, Frosty, Glacier, Ice, Icy, Ivory, Snow, Snow White, Snowball, Snowy, Sugar, Vanilla, Winter and Yukon

Charles Dodgson translated his name into Latin to come up with Lewis Carroll. The Latin for white rabbit is niveus lepus and the latin for late arriving is tardus adventum so you decide on a name, if, that is, you're still interested. Personally, I'm not

Of course the rabbit did have a name because on his door was a brass plate with the name `W. RABBIT' engraved upon it. I'm only guessing mind but I think the W. stood for White
So why did I write this? Because thousands of people, every day, pose the question 'What was the rabbits name in Alice in Wonderland' and I'm just as capable as anyone else to give them the answer; indeed better than most because most fail to answer it at all

Wedding Speech

This is continuation of the poem about Dick the horticulturist which I started yesterday, which was last month. The title reflects the best search term since this part of the poem is about Dick meeting his future wife and could be useful for a best man's speech

Hadrian's Wall made a lot of sense
Aye te keep you bloody Sassenachs oot
He should have built an electric fence

Horticulturist sows...first, his wild oats, and then, the seeds of love

That's just enough of your insults
That's not why we're here
We're doing a sort of 'This is Your Life'
Let's start with Dick's career

Dick considered off-shore banking
But he's no money vulture
So having nothing else to do in Jersey
He turned to horticulture

So straight away Dick found a whore
A Swedish girl on the game
She was the perfect specimen
And Wanda was her name

He took her to the opera
And, to museums and things
But none of this appealed to her
She just liked diamond rings

She didn't care for Shakespeare
She just wanted a coat of mink
Dick discovered you can lead a hor ti culture

But you cannot make her think

Wanda was good for sowing wild oats
But Dick began to shop
Now that he was into sowing
He sought a maximum crop

Now look I've warned you
You're just being crude
Well, let's face it...Dick's appetite for sex
Is like his appetite for food

Anyway, he decided to join a choir
He'd heard singers could be fun
And besides, if he could get a Singer
He'd get more sewing done

His friends had in mind the perfect girl
Who taught in the local class
Her name of course was Mary
Our bonny Scottish lass

Wanda would do anything for dick

That's Wanda would do anything, for Dick
But Dick's friends had this thought
To make him interested
In a refined, more cultured sort

Would Dick go for a teacher?
His friends just couldn't tell
"Yes", said Dick, "I like Teachers
And Johnny Walker as well

In fact I like any brand of whisky"

A misunderstanding we think

Well, it's not just food and sex Dick likes
He's also fond of drink

Dick and Mary's relationship
At this stage was platonic
Yep, to Dick it was just play
To Mary, a tonic

She sought reassurance
After each and every bout
Her mother said she must be good
And of that, Dick had no doubt

Dick could see the benefit
Of marrying this Catholic lass
She was a regular in the choir
And never missed a mass

Not the least of these attractions
Was her very name
You see her initials then were M.S.
After marriage, they'd be the same

Dick worked on simple logic
And it was undoubtedly true
She wouldn't need new handkerchiefs
That would save a bob or two

To most of us that logic
Would be kinda funny
But Dick didn't just crave food, sex and drink
He was also into money

Anyway, while Dick was working out his sums
Mary announced she'd go
On a teaching job to Kenya
With the VSO

She was well prepared for what she faced
Countless unknown ravages
Well, she'd grown up in Scotland
Surrounded by Savages

Hey steady on mate
You may be absolutely right
But there's quite a few Scotsmen here
Let's not start a fight

By pre-arrangement a Scotsman interjects

See you Jimmy, see you
Am prepared to let that pass
But any more and aah'll rip yer heed aff, so ah will
And stick it up yer ass

You see, that's just typical
Hadrian's Wall made a lot of sense
Scotsman again Aye te keep you bloody Sassenachs oot
He should have built an electric fence

Ah ha they didn't have elec...
Please fellas, simmer down
We don't want this kind of strife
Why not? The Salisburys have to face this
Every day of their married life

Sir, he wasn't insulting Scotsmen
Mary's maiden name was Savage
Well, his outburst serves to illustrate
The problems of mixed marriage

Anyway, off Mary went to Kenya
To teach them ABC's
Leaving Dick in his tomato patch
With muck up to his knees

As Mary had departed
And taken poor Dick's heart
Dick too, developed wanderlust
Yeah a lust for Wanda, his little Swedish tart

No I mean he wanted to see the World
To open a new door
Yeah Wanda's...it was her foreign parts
He wanted to explore

One day, as planes passed over head
Dick was tilling in the rain
He decided the next one out of there
Would be a Salisbury plane

.....to be continued. Dick was now in the Middle East, Mary in Africa. Would they marry? What became of Wanda? More tomorrow