Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings


Over the years I've written many wedding ceremony humorous readings in rhyming form which tend to 'roast' the couple, collectively and individually and finish off with nice stuff. It is difficult to write something that applies to all couples but parts can apply to most people

For example

Will you (Samantha) buy an expensive dress
That costs more than a week's wages
Hide it, and when (Alan) asks if it's new
Say 'this? no I've had it for ages'

Will you (Alan) leave up the toilet seat
According to Man's sacred law
And do you promise always to leave the wet towel
In a heap on the bathroom floor

A common theme in Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings is how long it took the Groom to propose

Congratulations (Samantha and Alan )
On this your wedding day
Would it happen this Millennium?
We've heard some cynics say

He acted like greased lightning
Dynamic, you know the kind
(9) years is all that it took
For (Alan) to make up his mind

Let's face it, (Sam) wasn't choosey
She admits it to herself
No spring chicken she feared that she'd
Be left up on the shelf

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings continue with a bit about each...this is very specific to the people involved but here's stuff that could apply to most

Despite major differences
The pair found common ground
For example, his (big bum) matches her (big nose)
Or is it the other way round?

They share a love of (foreign hols)
They're (XYZ) and (AB) fans
Love flourished and so the two of them
Hatched their wedding plans

While (Samantha) thinks of kissing
When (Alan's) lips are pursed
His mind is on a can of (Bud )
To quench his prodigious thirst

(Samantha's) dad dropped lots of hints
Your own love nest would be nice
And eventually they moved to (Brentwood Street)
(96), to be precise

And there they started begatting
And all that luvvy dovey stuff
They must have been good coz in no time at all
(Samantha) was up the duff

Along came young David and James
To make their family complete
Or is it? Who knows what'll happen
The honeymoon starts toneet!

Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings usually comment on the main participants and could continue like so

Well, that's the potted history
So all that remains to say
Is thanks a lot (Alan and Samantha)
For a really smashin' day

We all agree the bride is beautiful
On the best day of her life
She walked down the aisle Miss Spinster
And back up it Mrs Wife

And if we didn't thank the bridesmaids
We really would fail
(Sophie and Hannah) you're beautiful
Like Princesses from a fairy tale

We should thank best man (Gary)
And (Jim), the bride giver away
And the mothers (Carole and Margaret)
Thanks for all you've done today

And thanks too to (Alan) the groom
Looking handsome as can be
And not forgetting the fat bloke reading the poem
So that's a thanks a lot to me

The ending of Wedding Ceremony Humorous Readings should acknowledge the roasting/ribbing and be the nice stuff

We've been so very insulting
And we apologise for such
Have a very long and happy life
We love you very much


We're very proud of both of you
And this we'd like to say
God bless you both and best of luck
On this your special day

If ending in a toast

Finally, let's raise our glasses
To the stars of the day
(Alan and Samantha) may the days and years ahead
Be special in every way

Here's a link to more material

Royal Wedding Poem

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