A Catablog of Doggerel: Funny Valentine Poems

Friday, 30 January 2009

Funny Valentine Poems

I came across a Valentine joke which I have woven into a poem as the first entry in my Funny Valentine Poems collection

I’m good at buying presents
(Remember last year’s little toy)
(Last year’s present brought you joy)
Well here’s a poem about what can go wrong
If you’re a right Charlie boy

Charlie decided to buy his new girlfriend,
A special gift for Valentine
He discounted flowers, chocolates
Furs, jewellery, liquor or wine

Gloves, he thought, would be perfect
(He’s a very romantic sort)
He took his sister with him to make sure
The best girlie gloves were bought

With his sister’s advice Charlie purchased
A really lovely pair,
And Charlie's sister decided to purchase
A pair of panties for herself, while there.

Each purchase was wrapped and then mixed up
As oft happens, under Murphy’s Law

(sometimes Sod's law or Finagle's law.)
Charlie mailed the parcel to his girlfriend
With a note “To the girl I adore”

The note went on “I chose this particular gift
And I hope that you approve
Coz I noticed that you often don't wear any
These ones are short and easy to remove
.
The lady at the store where I bought them
Showed me the pair she’s been wearing
I had her try on yours for me
They looked nice, if a little bit daring.

When you take them off, remember
To blow on them before putting them away
As they will naturally be a little damp
From wearing them all day.

I hope you'll wear them Friday night
Whether it’s frosty or whether it pours
And you can, of course, remove them
As soon as we’re back indoors"

What a right Charlie he is
I’ve got you a present, with taste
I hope this edible, gusseted, tasselled thong
Isn’t too tight around the waist

More Funny Valentine Poems here

1 comment:

Poemstogo said...: Here's a valentine's day poem that we wrote at Poemstogo.tv

Valentine's Verse - A Sample

Dear Yvonne,

It seems like only yesterday,
When I walked in that hotel,
And saw you sitting with your friend,
My jaw,it almost fell.

I walked in your direction,
Thought I was being really clever,
Made a comment about your long tanned legs,
Seeming to go on forever.

I thought no more about it then,
As I wandered round the place,
But in the back of my mind that night,
I would always see your face.

Then your friend got into an argument,
Some remark had made her mad,
I rushed across to calm things down,
And for that I'm always glad.

We started chatting there again,
And I thought I'd take my chance,
So I plucked up all my courage,
And I asked you up to dance.

I still remember well that night,
We parted at the end,
You give me your phone number,
And you left with your girlfriend.

I was heading back to work,
I called you the next day
It would be my last chance for a while,
I would be six weeks away.

We went out on our first date,
And I thought it was a flop,
When you changed my soppy music,
And you put on Z.Z.Topp.

But we hit it off there that first night,
And the years have passed since then,
And I'm glad to say you're now my wife,
My lover and my friend.

Twenty years and more have passed,
Since we first got together,
I won't say it's been plain sailing,
We've had our share of stormy weather.

We're both born under Taurus,
And you may think I've got a cheek,
But I'll swear you also got my share,
Of that star sign’s stubborn streak.

But we've battled our way this far,
And I wouldn't change a thing,
I've found the real contentment,
That only love can bring.

Eighteen years we've now been married,
Two fine children we are raising,
You haven't changed since I first met you,
And I find that quite amazing.

We still find the same things funny,
I just love it when you're smiling,
Those two dimples still show up then,
And I still think that's beguiling.

But I'll cut right to the chase now,
Yvonne, you're like a good red wine,
As you mature you just get better,
And you’re still my Valentine.

Love,

Mick

©www.poemstogo.tv; 1 July 2010 at 10:06